• A basic trait of human consciousness is to give meaning to everything from objects to experiences.
• These perceptions and concepts are embedded in our brains as concretely as physical objects.
• They are our individual version of reality, and we live our life accordingly.
• By definition, we are unable to be aware of them since they are our frame of reference.
• Understanding the depth of our individuality would allow us to better get along with each other.

Awareness is essential to stimulating healing neuroplastic changes in your brain in that you cannot stimulate your brain to develop in a given direction unless you know where you are starting from. Awareness is both a tool and foundation for moving forward with every aspect of your life. Of the different kinds of awareness, ingrained attitudes and thought patterns are the most problematic. By definition, you cannot see them without actively seeking them out.

Ingrained Patterns – Blind Spots

By definition, we are all programmed/ brainwashed by our past. Every action you take today is determined by your ENTIRE life experience up to this very second. Most living creatures are able to fend for themselves immediately or relatively quickly from birth. Humans are unique in that we have NO capacity to do so, and it takes many years to acquire even basic physical survival skills. Additionally, since we have a unique emotional life based on language, there is another layer of extremely complex learning that occurs throughout a lifetime. Each human being’s inner self has little in common with any other person.

David Eagleman, in his book, Livewired,¹ succinctly points out how the human brain develops by interacting with other humans. If you are raised in a richly stimulating and nurturing environment your view of the world is much different than someone who was raised in a chaotic and threatening household. It is also the reason that childhood trauma has such an effect on your quality of life and health.² A significant part of your brain development happens within the first few years of life.

Your life lens

As you continue to interpret your ongoing reality through this lens, it is reinforced. You’ll embrace confirmatory data and reject what is in conflict with it. The marketing term for this phenomenon is, “reactance”, and is the reason that facts don’t change people’s minds.³ Your life trajectory will be consistent with your outlook. If you have been programmed to constantly be on high alert, your whole body will be on guard even when you are actually safe. The severe consequences of early childhood trauma on your mental and physical health have been well-documented.² However, you also have to understand that even in the best of households, there is still a lot going on. Although you may have a more functional life lens, you still cannot truly see the world through other’s eyes. Of course, there is the ongoing trauma of dealing with life’s inevitable challenges for everyone.

These attitudes and behaviors we develop over a lifetime of exposure to our circumstances are what I call ingrained patterns. What makes all of this more challenging is that our perceptions are embedded in our brains as concretely as of physical sensations and objects, such as a chair or table. I used to say that thoughts are real because they cause neurochemical responses in our bodies. But they are not reality. I was wrong.⁴

Your ego blocks awareness

You cannot see these attitudes and behaviors because they are inherent to your identity or ego. This basic trait of human consciousness may be the greatest obstacle to people getting along. Although we are infinitely unique individuals, we don’t tolerate differences well. It is why we become so attached to our politics, religion, belief systems, etc. It is also the reason that humans treat each other so badly based on labels. One example, amongst an endless list, was how we locked up “communists” during the McCarthy era of the 1950’s and 1960’s. It is why so many minority groups are persecuted, but they also often treat each other badly.

We are hard-wired enough that we don’t recognize or “feel” these patterns; it’s just what we do. It’s behavior that sits under many layers of defenses and has to be “dug out” by each person – if you want to. Our family-influenced habits and actions are much more obvious to our spouses and immediate family than they are to us; we can only get in touch with them through counseling, seminars, psychotherapy, self-reflection, spousal feedback, etc. What you are not aware of can and will control you.

The Polyvagal Theory and autonomic nervous system

In addition to the ingrained patterns controlling your life, your body is constantly automatically picking up cues of threats in your subconscious mind. You don’t have to think about not walking in front of an oncoming car. You just don’t do it. It is similar for the emotional aspect of your nervous system. If a person or conversation reminds you of an unpleasant situation in the past, your autonomic nervous system sends out signals to increase your heart rate, blood pressure, respiratory rate, and level of alertness. This flight or fight response also fires up your immune system and inflammatory response. When this response is sustained, there is a high chance of becoming ill or developing a serious disease.

There is deep research measuring the deleterious effects of chronic stress transmitted throughout your body via the autonomic nervous system. It is the part of your nervous system that automatically monitors your body’s internal functions and continually sends out signals to adapt to the sensory input. One of the pioneers in this field, Dr. Steven Porges, has organized much of this knowledge in his dissertation called The Polyvagal Theory.⁵ There are various methods of measuring the state of your body’s reactivity and also ways of learning to calm it down.

A humbling and enlightening day at Hyde

Hyde is a boarding high school that emphasizes character over academics and includes the whole family in a learning process. I didn’t realize the depth of my own ingrained patterns until one weekend while attending a weekend Hyde parent’s seminar.

My regional West Coast Hyde group had already worked me over about some of my own issues. I wasn’t in a great mood and decided to not contribute much to the group dynamic. As a result, I actually ended up listening. I watched one father trying to be a perfect Hyde seminar parent. He was a great, well-intentioned guy, but these very qualities were clearly blocking him from connecting with his son. I realized how often my idealism had a similar effect.

One of the exercises was to write a final letter to myself about my core values. I decided to open up my mind a little more and asked myself the question, “If I have done so much personal work, why am I still such a workaholic?” During the session, a story kept popping into my head from when I was a first-year orthopedic resident in Honolulu, Hawaii. About three months into my training, I overheard one of the other residents talking about admitting a patient with severe back pain who also had an anxiety disorder. I asked him, “What do you mean by anxiety disorder?” I had no idea what anxiety was; I had to look it up in a textbook.

Eventually, I developed a severe anxiety disorder. As I sat in the Hyde seminar, I couldn’t figure out how I could have gone through college, medical school, two years of internal medicine residency, and not have had a clue about the nature of anxiety. Obviously, I’d encountered many anxiety-provoking situations.

Suddenly a bomb went off in my head. Anxiety was all that I knew. I’d been raised in an abusive household, never knowing when my mother would explode. Fear was the basis for most of my behavior. My energy as a child was spent trying not to set my mother off and/or calming her down. Most of my energy in adulthood was spent in avoiding unpleasant emotions. I dealt with anger by disguising and suppressing it. My anxiety was held at bay by the power of anger and staying distracted, mostly by obsessive work patterns.

Infinite variety

Think how different our world would be if humans understood the infinitely deep depth of differences that define each one of us. Yet somehow, we not only don’t embrace this concept, but we also actively try to change others into what we think we should be. Why? It is anxiety-producing to have your life views challenged.

Consider the atrocities committed throughout history as a consequence of this way of thinking. What if our focus was becoming as aware as possible of other’s views in contrast to ours, consider them, and continually work on finding common ground? World peace would actually be a possibility. It is ironic that we do completely the opposite with unspeakably severe consequences.

Recap

It is, by definition, impossible to recognize your own ingrained patterns without being open to outside input and having the desire to develop self-awareness. Usually, it takes some type of interaction with another person in an individual or group setting. Hyde was one example of a structured interaction that allowed me to realize my deeper patterns. The didactic aspect was critical, but my paradigm shift would not have occurred without the support of the people in that room.

You cannot see yourself the way others see you. You must first decide to learn more about these patterns from outside sources to understand their impact on you and others close to you. Life becomes infinitely more interesting when you choose awareness.

Questions and considerations

1. Consider the number of seconds in your life with each one representing a piece of data that is interpreted by your brain to create meaning for your actions and life.
2. Not only are there an almost infinite number of variables, but the analytical process is also based on your prior experiences. At some tipping point, you transition from being “open and impressionable” to developing beliefs and opinions that bias ongoing input.
3. As you age, your “filter” or “lens” becomes more reinforced, and facts essentially never change people’s opinions. You are asking someone to change the essence of their identity and being.
4. Consider how infinitely different each of us is and focus on trying to see the world through others’ eyes instead of unconsciously defending your own positions.
5. It is anxiety-producing to be completely open and aware instead of hiding behind your ego. However, once you learn to process anxiety by regulating your body’s chemistry, you’ll be free to live life on your terms – and be able to give back to others.

 References

1. Eagleman, David. Pantheon Books, New York, NY, 2020.
2. Fellitti VJ and RF Anda. The Hidden Epidemic: The Impact of Early Life Trauma on Health and Disease; Chapter 8. Cambridge University Press, 2009.
3. Berger J. Simon and Schuster, New York, NY, 2020.
4. Feldman Barrett, Lisa. How Emotions are Made. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, New York, NY, 2017.
5. Porges, Stephen. The Polyvagal Theory. Norton and Co., New York, NY, 2011.

The post Awareness–Ingrained Patterns/ Your Life Lens first appeared on Back in Control.

The post Awareness–Ingrained Patterns/ Your Life Lens appeared first on Back in Control.

• Body image disorders
• Eating disorders
• Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis
• Irritable Bowel and Spastic Bladder
• Depression/ OCD/ Bipolar disorder

Remember, anxiety is simply the sensation you feel when your body is flooded with stress hormones, which affects every cell in your body. Since each organ system will respond in its own way, there are at least 30 different physical symptoms that can be generated in this hyper-vigilant chemical environment.

I gave a lecture about dealing with stress at a local high school a few years ago and over 300 of the 1,500 students were on daily medications for a chronic illness. This phenomenon is occurring in an era of unprecedented opportunity. What is going on?

Anxiety Basics

There are books written about why there is so much societal angst. However, conjecturing about all the reasons is of limited value unless the core problem of relentless anxiety is addressed. Since this unconscious survival sensation is much more powerful than the conscious brain, it isn’t responsive to isolated rational interventions. The way to solve anxiety is to decrease your levels of stress hormones. It’s a learned skill that improves with repetition.

The dark side of human consciousness is that a mental threat is processed in a similar manner as a physical one. It takes the form of Unpleasant repetitive thoughts (URT’s) (1), from which you can’t escape. Disruptive thoughts are maybe greatest reason for sustained anxiety. Most of us suppress them, which is the one worst thing to do. Research has shown that this creates a trampoline effect, where not only are the unpleasant thoughts stronger, they are a lot stronger. (2) One effective way of addressing the problem of URT’s is to become aware of them, understand their impact and then reframe the situation.

Unreachable Expectations

In this modern era, one of the greatest sources of anxiety is dealing with unreachable expectations, and winning is one of the ultimate goals. Somehow, success (your perception of “winning”) is going to bring you peace of mind. Really? That isn’t even a reasonable concept. How many “winners” have we watched self-destruct, yet we keep pursuing the dream that money, power, accomplishment, and attractiveness will quell our fears. The problem is that you can’t outrun your mind.

What is even more problematic is that our concepts of success and failure become attached to our identity and vice versa. Modern neuroscience research has shown that thoughts and ideas become embedded in our brain, in the same way as physical objects. (3) In other words, the only reason a dish is a dish is because your brain has unscrambled visual and tactile senses and decided that it is a dish. This is true for everything. None of your body’s sensors have any inherent capacity to determine the nature of your reality and environment.

So, our perception of self is programmed in by our past experiences, and is as real as the chair you are sitting on. Much of it is determined by your definition of success and failure. They are “stories” that run your life. It is also the reason why it is impossible to truly see an issue from another person’s perspective.

These many negative stories become stronger over time, alter your body’s chemistry and compromise your sense of well-being. In contrast to this sustained assault of stress hormones generated by your “stories”, consider the feelings generated by being full of oxytocin (love drug), serotonin (antidepressant), GABA (anti-anxiety) and dopamine (rewards), when you are at play.  Instead of pursuing happiness through achieving your goals, why not get happy first and then pursue your dreams? Part of that pursuit is learning how to “fail”. A major aspect of this approach is understanding the impact of your “failure stories” and realizing how irrational many of them are.

A close friend of mine sent this piece to me on stress. I don’t know the person who gave this seminar, but I think it is excellent and reflects many of the tools to just let go, reframe many of your created  “adversities”  and enjoy your life. Where are you actually going and what’s the rush?

A Great Lesson on Stress

A young lady confidently walked around the room with a raised glass of water  while leading a seminar and explaining stress management to her audience. Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, ‘Half empty or half full?’  She fooled them all. “How heavy is this glass of water?” she inquired with a smile.  Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter.  It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

She continued, “and that’s the way it is with stress.  If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden – holding stress longer and better each time we practice.”

So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. Pick them up again tomorrow if you must.

1. Accept the fact that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue!
2. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4. Drive carefully… It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
5. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
6. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
7. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8. Never buy a car you can’t push.
9. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.
10. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well;  just get up and dance.
11. Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12. The second mouse gets the cheese.

My past formula for “success” – highly NOT recommended

As I went through this list, I pondered my historical approach in each category, and I’m not making this up. One of my basic core beliefs was that of being “cool under pressure” and I could take on an unlimited amount of stress.

1. It is important to always be on top. If someone dumps on me, I’m a “loser”.
2. If there is an obvious problem, it is necessary to speak up (not such soft voice).
3. I have always liked good books and don’t like to waste that much time on something that isn’t informative, entertaining or inspiring.
4. My time is valuable, and I’ll do whatever I need to do to get there quickly. (I had 14 speeding violations in five different states between ages 18 to 25. Thank goodness it was well before there were computers)
5. If someone is “wrong” from my perspective, it’s my role (duty) to correct them.
6. I am not forgetting that person who shortchanged me. I don’t care how long it’s been.
7. Having some variation of a “purpose” has defined my existence. My identity was based on my ideals and I couldn’t always clearly see who or what was right in front of me.
8. I actually don’t care much about cars one way or the other.
9. One day, one of my fellows asked me, “Don’t you ever get tired of talking?”
10. I don’t dance. I’m not very good at it.
11. There aren’t enough hours in the day, and I have to get up early.
12. What if the first mouse gets the cheese?

The bottom line is give yourself a break. What are your ideals? How do you mentally punish yourself if you don’t live up to your own expectations. It’s great to be successful at whatever you set out to do. But does it define you? Are your endeavors grounded in reality. I did define “me” by my achievements, and many efforts were driven by “magical thinking” and unattainable goals.  I used my adrenaline drive to become “successful”, yet it was this same energy that caused me to sink into chronic pain and become physically ill. Another version of her advice is reflected in this poem sent to me by one of my patients, She Just Let Go.

I wish I had figured this out many years ago, but my life and parenting advice (if I am asked) has boiled down the word, “play.” If you can’t enjoy your family and life today, when will you?

Enjoy your day today

1. Garland, EL. Brown, SM, and MO Howard. Thought suppression as a mediator of the association between depressed mood and prescription opioid craving among chronic pain patients. J Behav Med (2016); 39:128-138.
2. Wegner, D. M. (1994). Ironic processes of mental control. Psychological Review, 101, 34–52.
3. Feldman-Barrett, Lisa. How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing, New York, New York, 2018.

The post Success is a “Story” first appeared on Back in Control.

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