• A guided course of seven legs and rest stops
• Video tutuorials
• Webinars
• Weekly group Q&A sessions
• Weekly blogs and podcasts
• Access to having questions answered
• An app based on our workshops – awareness, hope, forgiveness, and play

This post is the introduction to the final rest stop of the guided journey. We are excited in that it represents a much clearer sequence of concepts and there is more clarity as to what are next steps. One of the most powerful aspects of The DOC Journey is the sequencing. You are dealing with deep patterns in the unconscious brain and it takes awareness and repetition to access and redirect them. But the core of it all is much clearer and has been easier to present and explain to people. With engagement, the outcomes have been consistent with the main variable being how much time it takes.

Introduction to rest stop seven

Your Journey has not ended but it has just begun. You began from a place that was dark and you are working your way into the light or maybe you are already there. People often get frustrated because they don’t feel they are healing quickly enough or wonder why others seem to be doing so much better than they are. There is no time frame or rush. Everyone is different and each of us has experienced more than our share of suffering. There are no exceptions. It is important to keep learning and using your tools that allow your brain/body to heal. The key words are patience and persistence.

Remember the deep paradox of this journey. You are letting go to move forward in contrast to our strong inclination to keep fixing ourselves and those close to us.

Thrive

Many people feel better after a few months. They are no longer in a crisis, their pain has improved, and they stop. They usually continue to stick with some basic strategies and do fine. But my observation is that they are missing a huge opportunity to thrive. Once you break free of The Abyss, your potential to move forward is unlimited. The more you nurture this opportunity to grow, the farther you’ll be away from your pain circuits. The concepts of play, giving back, and the spiritual journey are not tools to combat anxiety and pain. That turns into obsessive behavior and little is accomplished. They are more about expanding your life and horizon into the life you always wanted. There are several aspects to creating this capacity to navigate and fully experience every aspect of your circle of life.

• The foundation is awareness combined with the circle of life, which includes “the ring of fire.” Being aware of which part of the circle you are in is a powerful approach. You now have a choice of using your tools to change direction or stay where you are.
• The goal of using the ring of fire model is not to attempt to be in one particular part of it. It is a common perception to feel that most of your life should be spent in the center. That is not life or realistic. Being aware of when you are in the center is the key and knowing when you need to enter it to “re-fuel.” It is the foundation for passing through the ring of fire and engaging in your life activities in the blue ring.
• There are several important concepts to consider.
  • You should nurture and expand the center. The more time you can realistically spend there, the better. It is where your body regenerates.
  • As you learn to develop a “working relationship” with the ring of fire, it will paradoxically be less daunting and easier to navigate.
  • The blue periphery is life and there never was a limit to it. We create our own limitations.

 Your new home

This final rest stop is a framework for settling into your new life and continue to practice the tools that will help you indefinitely. We will conceptualize this stop as where you are building your new home.

• The green center is your lot and it is round. It provides the foundation for your house and you can landscape it to your heart’s content. This is done by using tools that engender self-compassion and you are expanding the center.
• It is important to protect your home and the red ring will do that for you. Anxiety and anger necessary danger signals. You will also be personally arming yourself to defend yourself and your safe haven.
• Each room of your house represents an aspect of your life that you will furnish and decorate.

The phases of the construction include:

• Dreaming of what you want and defining it
• Drawing up final plans
• The rooms
  • Entry – Awareness
  • Family room – Social connections
  • Kitchen – Diet/ Nutrition
  • Bathroom – Processing anxiety/ frustration
  • Master bedroom – Sleep/ Nurturing your closest relationships
  • Other bedrooms – Your family/ guests
  • Den/ office – headquarters
  • Garage – Transportation to the outside world/ your reserves
  • Landscaping – Nurturing and growing the center
  • Protection
    • Alarm system
    • Dog
    • Self-defense
  • Basement–workout room/ exercise

The essence of life is avoiding threat and seeking safety. It is necessary to actively seek both in that you need safety to create the reserves you need to deal with life’s challenges. Otherwise, you’ll be overwhelmed a good percent of the time, with a limited capacity to enjoy your life or even worse, continue to suffer.

You have only just begun

We all equate home with safety, but all too often it is not, especially when chronic pain is in the middle of it. Family members are also our most powerful triggers and it is bidirectional. Creating a “safe house” or haven takes a focused effort but none of the steps are difficult with the right tools. You have heard the saying, “A carpenter is only as good as his/ her tools. You now have the opportunity to create whatever life you want and even though this is the end of this course, you have just begun your journey.

The post Navigating the Entire Circle of Your Life first appeared on Back in Control.

The post Navigating the Entire Circle of Your Life appeared first on Back in Control.

ACE’s

It is clear from data produced from the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) study that we, as a culture are not parenting very well. The list of ACE’s is the following:

Household dysfunction

• Substance abuse
• Parental separation/ divorce
• Criminal behavior
• Mental illness
• Battered mother

Abuse

• Psychological
• Sexual
• Physical

Neglect

• Emotional
• Physical

The higher the ACE score, the greater the chances of the children experiencing depression addiction, extreme obesity, anxiety, suicide, partner violence, etc. The list is long. (1)

What is striking is that only 30% of children had an ACE score of zero. Over 35% had an ACE score of 3 or higher. It is ironic and unfortunate that the people you care for the most are also the ignition for strong unpleasant reactions. Why is this the case?

Our programming

We are programmed from birth by our environment. It matters little what you “teach” your child. It is how you behave. So each of us have patterns of behavior that are imbedded in our nervous systems that are a result of witnessing the actions of our parents. Whether you adopt or reject the patterns, the patterns are still running your life. The behaviors play out the most strongly in our new families regardless of the makeup. They originate in the unconscious part of your brain and are not solvable – especially when you are not aware of their magnitude or existence. Hoffman process

So as you begin to engage in the DOC principles with some success, it is difficult to move forward when you are continually being triggered at home. We do know that pain and anger are linked pathways. Additionally, these reactions are so powerful, none of us want to give them up, even though we know better. The family unit may be the most critical aspect of keeping you stuck in the Abyss of pain. The crab bucket  It may also be the most influential in pulling you out of it. A promising sequence involving the whole family is beginning to emerge. Here is how I finish a typical office visit after I have done my evaluation and explained the relevant issues.

Beginning the family healing

I hand them a copy of my book and show them this website, www.backincontrol.com. I ask all members of the household to go “all in”, whether or not they have pain. Everyone has anxiety, which is the pain. After I have suggested that they begin the expressive writing combined with active meditation, I jump to the final step of Stage 1 – Do not share your pain.

Here are the guidelines:

• When you walk out the door of this office you are never to discuss your pain with anyone – especially your family. BTW, no complaining about anything – period.
• On the way home you are to spend the time reminiscing about era of your relationship when you had the most fun. Remember your dreams, friends, adventures, conversations and shared suffering in detail.
• When you walk through the door of your house that same energy will be brought into the home and nurtured – without exception and indefinitely. If you must argue – take it outside. My nurse pointed out to me that you cannot have a bar fight in a bar. Why do you want your home to be a no-holds-barred fighting arena?
• They must make a commitment to honor this part on not engaging with each other when they are upset and I ask them both to verbally affirm it.
• I show them the link to “Protect Your Family from Your Pain.” Each of them has permission to withdraw from any unpleasant interaction – without reprisal. Each party also has permission to ask the other to person stop discussing his or her pain.

It has been eye-opening for me to see how much time people spend talking about their pain or what is wrong with their lives. It is not that interesting. It is incredibly frustrating for family and friends to constantly hear about it. There is nothing they can do to help. It is also interesting how responsible family members feel to help the other person solve the pain and also how the person in pain can hold the family’s feet to the fire to help. It is a deadly cycle. Your pain is yours and yours alone. It’s your responsibility to own and solve it.

I’ve had patients blurt out, “Well what can I talk about?” Almost anything is more interesting than pain. The alternatives are infinite. You have to first unhook from your pain before you can re-experience these wonders.

Not sharing the pain

I have been heading towards this conversation for a while and have taken it up several notches over this last year. It has been encouraging and change can occur quickly. I had a woman who had been in pain for over 30 years, in addition to some other significant neurological problems. She had a strong right to complain and be upset. The problem was that her husband was simply worn out. The tension in the room was high and uncomfortable. When I introduced the rule of not talking about pain, he immediately had a smile emerge and both of them relaxed a bit. I said, “I want you both to fully engage but separately. Imagine a 10-foot steel-reinforced concrete wall between the two of you regarding the topic of pain.” I then went on to explain the above-mentioned rules.

I was shocked when they returned a month later. They were animated and laughing. Her pain was down by about 60% and both of their moods were dramatically improved. They had re-discovered how to have a good time. Remember that although pain pathways are permanent, so are play pathways. You just have to re-connect with them. It is a powerful way to move forward. Interestingly, some of her neurological symptoms had improved. They could hardly contain their excitement about the possibilities. The only negative of the day was that I was so interested in what had transpired that I got hopelessly behind in clinic.

Safe

It has also struck me that one of the core concepts of healing is feeling safe, which is hard to do in this world amongst fellow workers, classmates, bosses, and most importantly from yourself. We endure an endless barrage of negative self-talk. However, you do have a choice about what you want to create at home. I think that by constructing a “safe house” that you are more able to do the same in other areas of life.

I have decided that the focus of my next book will be on both protecting the family from chronic pain and using that same energy to connect to the body’s capacity to heal. I am looking forward to seeing where this might go.

Happy Mother’s Day!!

Listen to the Back in Control Radio podcast Parenting – Creating Your Own Triggers

1. Anda RF, Felitti VJ, Bremner JD, Walker JD, Whitfield C, Perry BD, et al. The enduring effects of abuse and related adverse experiences in childhood. A convergence of evidence from neurobiology and epidemiology. Eur Arch Psychiatry Clin Neurosci 2006;256:174–86.

The post Begin Your Healing Journey at Home first appeared on Back in Control.

The post Begin Your Healing Journey at Home appeared first on Back in Control.