• Honor your suffering. You are trapped by physical and mental sensations without an apparent way out.
• You feel extremely isolated but many people in this hole (The Abyss) are also suffering badly. You are not alone.
• Your rightful frustration (rage) fires up your symptoms even more.
• Systematically learning and using tools to calm your body, will allow you to heal.

The Depth of Your Suffering – Darkness

All of us seek safety – physically and mentally. When we don’t feel safe, our bodies switch to a flight or fight mode, and we feel stressed. Another descriptive word is “anxious”, which is simply the feeling generated when you sense danger. We yearn for safety and detest anxiety, and when we can’t resolve the problem causing us to feel uneasy, we feel trapped. The word for this more intense bodily response is anger. It is our last-ditch effort to regain control and feel safe. When we still can’t escape a real or perceived threat, our bodies break down with the outcome being chronic mental and physical diseases.

Anxiety and anger are not psychological constructs; they are your body’s warning signals, and they evolved to be intentionally unpleasant. They are the pain and are manifested in many ways. Even with physical symptoms, the cause is unclear. There are reasons. Chronic stress translates into threat physiology (how your body functions), which causes symptoms, illness, and disease. Unless you know how to effectively process stress, you are trapped.

Feeling trapped causes deep suffering, creates many problems. BTW, everyone suffers. There are degrees, and not having basic needs met such as safety, food, shelter, and companionship creates havoc with every aspect of your health and life. I do not want to dishonor this level of suffering. For example, the incidence of significant anxiety issues is 100% if your income level is less than 19,000/ year.¹ This is 1994 data that translates in approximately $38,000 in 2024.

We are also trapped by being a species with language, abstract thinking, and awareness of the finite nature of life. We can’t escape death. In addition to our physical challenges to staying alive, we cannot escape our thoughts. We have no protection from mental pain and suppressing unpleasant thoughts inflames the brain even more. These translate into RUTs, (repetitive unpleasant thoughts). They are universal varying in severity and frequency. The range is:

• Occasional unwanted thoughts
• Repetitive thoughts
• RUTs
• Repetitive disruptive thoughts
• Invasive thoughts

 “The Abyss”

One afternoon, I was listening to a patient attempting to describe the depth of her suffering and it hit me how deep and hopeless this hole is for most people. I realized that words were inadequate to encapsulate the degree of misery. Since no one seemed to have any answers, there was no apparent way out. The description that seemed to fit for this dark, bottomless pit was “The Abyss”.

A recent research paper documented that the effect of chronic pain on one’s life is similar te the impact of terminal cancer.² You hadn’t anticipated the possibility of your life being consumed by pain. The paper showed that chronic pain was worse in that with cancer, you at least know the diagnosis and there is an endpoint, one way or the other. This statement might sound harsh in that suffering from terminal cancer is horrible, but ongoing pain (mental and physical) without knowing if there is an endpoint is even worse.

A stark example of how uncertainty can eat away at you is illustrated in Dr. Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning.³ He was an Austrian psychiatrist who was imprisoned in a concentration camp during WWII. He lost several close family members and experienced unspeakable horrors. As he describes his personal experience, it is difficult to imagine anyone enduring even a fraction of what he witnessed and endured. Yet, he points out that the worst part of it all was not knowing when it was going to end. 

Life in The Abyss

In addition to other life stresses, patients are trapped by unpleasant mental and physical symptoms, illnesses,and diseases. You are also trapped by the medical system, which is not consistently showing you a way out. Over time, you become discouraged (despondent). My equation for it is:

The Abyss = Anxiety/Anger x Time

Why isn’t pain part of this equation? It is because anxiety is the pain. When you are stuck in a whirlpool of relentless anxiety and frustration, life goes dark.

How deep is this hole? Here is a short list of the suffering I have encountered both personally and witnessed in my patients.

Losses include:

• Independence
  • Financial
  • At the mercy of the disability system
• Capacity to enjoy good music, friends, fine food, and hobbies without the experience being marred by pain
• Peaceful family life
• Feeling good – there are over 30 symptoms created by a chronically activated nervous system. There are also many other mental and physical disease states. Your body breaks down.
• Integrity – people don’t believe you and often the harder you try to convince your friends, family, peers, employers, and health care providers, the less you are believed.
  • Being labeled – malingerer, drug-seeker, lazy, not motivated, and difficult
• Unlimited physical activity
• Peace of mind – RUTs are relentless and may be the worst part of the ordeal.
• Hope – this may be the worst aspect of it all. Repeatedly having your hopes dashed induces a depression.

No Way Out

Consider the depth of “The Abyss.” Your soul is being pounded into the ground by a pile driver of anxiety/anger as you remain trapped in your body, riddled by mental and physical pain. Your life is being systematically destroyed, but in some cruel cosmic joke, you’re alive to bear witness – without hope. This dark place in your mind is unusually deep – bottomless. And no one is listening………

Recap

Allow yourself to comprehend the depth of your suffering and degree of damage your pain has inflicted on your life. Awareness is the first step in successfully reversing this downward spiral. Right now, you are at the bottom, except there is no bottom……

Chronic illnesses are complex and random treatments can’t and don’t work. It is necessary to break your unique situation into its component parts and systematically deal with them. There is a way out of this incredibly dark place, but you cannot go from the depths of suffering to better health with willpower and belief. As you methodically acquire knowledge and skills to deal with each aspect of your situation, you’ll be able calm and re-route your body to break free and heal.

Questions and considerations

1. First, give yourself a break. You are suffering badly. Many treatments have failed, and you may even be worse. No one seems to be able to show you a way out or even offer hope. There is no reason to have positive feelings about any of this. Allow yourself to feel the depth of your suffering and frustration. Express it a piece of paper and immediately tear it up. A few people have difficulty processing the feelings released with this exercise, and if you feel uncomfortable, immediately stop.
2. Consider what is important to you in life, but you can’t access or experience them. Write down two or three things you would like to experience. Not being in pain is not one of the choices. You’ll see why as the course unfolds and it is also a given. None of us want to be in pain.
3. List three to five of your most intolerable symptoms. For many people, the relentless onslaught of unpleasant thoughts is the worst aspect of it all.
4. Give yourself credit for staying on your feet long enough to keep trying. A willingness to learn and practice is the number one factor predicting success.

 References:

1. Kessler RC, McGonagle KA, Zhao S, et al. Lifetime and 12-month prevalence of dsm-iii-r psychiatric disorders in the united states: Results from the national comorbidity survey. Arch Gen Psychiatry. 1994; 51(1): 8-9.
2. O’Connor AB. Neuropathic pain: quality-of-life impact, costs, and cost effectiveness of therapy. Pharmacoeconomics (2009); 27: 95- 112.
3. Frankl, Viktor. Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press, Boston, MA, 1959,1962,1984, 2006.

The post “The Abyss” – Honour your suffering first appeared on Back in Control.

The post “The Abyss” – Honour your suffering appeared first on Back in Control.

• We are trained that if we can solve enough of our problems, we’ll have an “enjoyable life.”
• Life’s challenges never stop, and we may slowly sink into darkness, “The Abyss.”
• We become desperate trying to escape; especially from our RUT’s (Repetitive Unpleasant Thoughts)
• The most effective way to dispel darkness is turning on light.

We are born as blank impressionable slates full of openness, curiosity, playfulness, and eagerness to learn. There are innumerable sources of learning, and we trust those who we perceive as having wisdom to teach us way to live an enjoyable and productive life.  Words and concepts are important but imitating actions are more powerful ways of learning. The possibilities are limitless.

But what often happens? In a protected and nurturing environment, the light may remain bright for many years and sometimes indefinitely. But for many of us, the light becomes progressively dimmer and at some point, we tip into the Abyss of chronic mental and physical pain. The light is extinguished, and it is a dark place without the slightest hope of escape. This is not what any of us planned when our spirits were shining.

A famous quote

It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old. 

They grow old because they stop pursuing dreams.

                         Gabriel Garcia Marquez¹

I modified this famous quote based on my personal experiences and observations of anxiety:

It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old. 

They grow old because their dreams are crushed by anxiety.

                         Gabriel Garcia Marquez

                          (Modified by Dr. David Hanscom)

Darkness

How quickly does darkness descend when you never felt safe and nurtured? Maybe you never felt the light that exists within you. Even if you had a great start, what about the onslaught of life?

• Unmeetable expectations
• Bullying – peers, coworkers, siblings
• FOMO
• Social media
• Poor diet/ no exercise
• Never-ending to-do list
• Lack of resources – housing, food, education, finances
• Job issues
• Difficult parenting
• Unrelenting Repetitive Unpleasant Thoughts (RUT’s)

The darkness settles in to the point where we can’t see a way out and eventually, we might forget what the light even felt or looked like. Additionally, there is the relentless wind, that also wears you down. Life keeps coming at us, especially the RUT’s.

So, what do most of us do? We are used to problem solving and we either keep working at fixing our lives (getting rid of the darkness) or many of us give up. Nothing seems to be working. Where do we go next and how can we get out of a place that seems to have no definition or limits? It really is an Abyss.

You cannot “fix” darkness”. It is simply absence of light. You also can’t control most of your thoughts (RUT’s) and stresses (the wind).

Darkness disappears with light. A small match is lit, and you must protect the flame from the wind. You may have to keep lighting it many times. Eventually, you are able to protect the flame and allow it to grow. Even when the light is dim, it still penetrates the darkness. As you continue to add fuel, the flame becomes a fire, then a large bonfire that can hardly be contained. The wind will eventually fan the flames and make them stronger.

“The fog rolled in.”

Many years ago, I was discussing chronic pain with a patient who was also a physical therapist. She related that she had an idyllic upbring with her parents and two siblings enjoying each other. Family outings including scenic drives, trips to Coney Island, music, and playing board games. There was a lot of fun and laughter. Then when she was 12, her father lost his job and her life permanently changed. The fun was replaced with verbal abuse, drinking, rages, and hardly even coming home. She described it as “the fog came in,” and life became dark. It never changed. I only saw her a couple of times recall how sad she was. I did not know much about chronic pain at that time and was perplexed how life could change so quickly. I did not understand the physiological nature of anger and that the thinking brain does not work is well. I don’t know what eventually happened to her.

Healing happens by moving forward towards your vision

It isn’t logical for us to spend so much time and energy fixing the dark and not paying attention to the light. But it is the only way that healing occurs. You are the only one who can light the match over and over again, protect the flame, and create a fire that can’t be put out. Knowing the tools to process darkness are necessary and are a separate skill set from connecting and nurturing your light. That is why there is a sequence of healing: 1) connection, 2) confidence, and 3) creativity.

Recap

Why do we feel that focusing and fixing our troubles is going to give us the life that we want? Not only can you escape from The Abyss with light, what about walking outside and soaking in the warmth of the sun?

Your dreams and play are always within you. Connect with and nurture them and allow your body to heal.

Questions and considerations

1. Our biological imperatives are to first survive and then pass our DNA to the next generation. Our unconscious brain evolved to look for trouble and resolve it in order to physically survive.
2. Humans are more complex in that we possess language and must deal with emotional pain, which is processed in a similar manner as physical pain.
3. Instinctively, we are programmed towards problem solving.
4. Although we also develop through play, it often gets buried in the ongoing chaos of life. We also have the human problem of our inability to escape from our unpleasant thoughts.
5. How much of your life is consumed w ith fixing problems versus nurturing joy? Have you created any “space” for joy?
6. If you wish to live a different life, you must create some “space” to nurture creativity and joy. Light will dispel darkness whereas all the fixing in the world will not pull you out of it.

 References

1. Gabriel García Márquez. Cien años de soledad (One Hundred Years of Solitude. 1967. Editorial Sudamericanos, S.A., Buenos Aires.

The post  Quit Fighting Darkness and Turn on the Light first appeared on Back in Control.

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