A chaotic, even abusive upbringing predicts a long and harsh life. There are many chronic mental and physical health issues that occur that shorten lifespan and also markedly compromise quality of life. Raised in this environment, a child cannot reach his or her full potential when so much energy is consumed by trying to survive. Consider a young plant in rich soil with plenty of sunlight and water. Compare it to the same plant in poor soil, limited sunlight, little water. It may even look a different species.

Feeling unsafe

When we don’t feel safe, we’ll do whatever we can to achieve it. Feeling unsafe drives many, if not most destructive behaviors. Feel trapped causes us to react aggressively to solve the situation. The physiological response is called anger, which represents the body’s powerful last-ditch effort to regain control.

Since the most stressful problems are ones we can’t solve, sustained anger (threat physiology) turns into rage, destructive behaviors, and chronic illnesses as the body breaks down. Consider how many life situations are unsolvable. One of the deadliest and universal problems is feeling trapped by our thoughts.

We cannot escape our thoughts. Suppressing unpleasant thoughts fires up the threat response even more than experiencing them. Suppression causes the hippocampus (memory center) of the brain to shrink¹ and increases craving for opioids.²  Distracting ourselves with experiences, pursuing pleasure, adventures, and achievements also fires up the immune system.³

So how do we behave?

ADDICTIONS

Addictions create a sense of safety while engaged in the activity, but obviously are not long-term solutions. The reason addictions are so destructive is they temporarily mask mental and physical pain, and pursuing relief is compelling.

POWER

A deadly outcome of feeling chronically unsafe is the relentless pursuit of power in order to gain more control. It can’t and doesn’t work, but few of us are taught alternatives. The manifestations are almost infinite and infiltrate every domain of our lives and relationships with others. People closest to us are the most affected. No one wants to be controlled, yet trying to control others is almost universal. Anger is generated in those being controlled and also in those exerting control. There is never enough to assuage the unconscious brain. Unfortunately, anger is intentionally destructive, as it is your body’s last-ditch effort to survive emotionally or physically.

The data is deep, beginning in the schoolyard. We try to avoid anxiety, or – if we already have it – we try to get rid of it. Nothing enhances our feeling of control more than by gaining power in some way. This need is expressed in our interactions with each other; in fact, it dictates much of human relations.

Every child has significantly increased anxiety when they leave home to begin school, regardless of their family situation. They want to be accepted but there is also the greater need to diminish their fear. The need to get rid of fear and gain power is played out in forming cliques, excluding others, and overt bullying.

Researchers did a study of students who have been bullied versus the bullies to see if there was any difference in their physiological makeup. ⁴ They looked at the levels of a substance called C-reactive protein (CRP), which is elevated in the presence of inflammation; it’s often drawn to determine the presence of a hidden infection. Chronically elevated levels also indicate a stressed and overactive immune system. It is not desirable to have an elevated CRP.

The study revealed that children who had been bullied had significantly elevated levels of CRP compared to those who had not been bullied. Being bullied as your introduction to the real world is not a great start. What I find even more disturbing is that the levels of CRP in bullies was lower than the norm. As it turns out, there is both a social and physiological reward for possessing more power. How all of this plays out in adulthood is not subtle. Why would you want to give up power and control? Especially when feeling the pain of anxiety is the other option.

Every child has a strong need to be accepted, yet what should we make of the fact that it gives him or her more power (and self-esteem) to reject someone else? This is an endless loop, the root cause of which is the solvable problem of anxiety.

SELF-ESTEEM

The other as futile effort to counteract these deeply upleasant survival sensations is to pursue more self-esteem. This is problematic for seversal reasons. First, it is a gross mismatch of your unconsious brain overpowering your conscious brain by about a million to one. Anxiety and anger are hardwired automatic survival reactions over which we have absolutely no control.

Second, the unconscious brain never stops for a millisecond and is always on the lookout for danger. It is why we evolved and stay alive. The conscious brain’s attention is not sustainable and we quickly develop cognitive fatigue trying to stay happy. We also become physically tired as 20 to 25% of your entire body’s energy is used to run your brain.

Third, we are programmed by everyone around us about who we should be or not be. These voices in our heads become as concrete as any object and we act on them. Unfortunately, the “stories” in our heads are essentially all cognitive distortions. Self-esteem represents a huge distortion of labeling. We expend a tremendous amount of energy building up our ego, and then spend endless efforts defending it. The relentless pursuit of self-esteem disconnects us from the reality immediately in front of us. In other words, you lose awareness of other’s needs and relationships are compromised. Look at the human experience of how terribly we treat each other as individuals and societies. We have the resources to create a planet that could thrive yet we are at the mercy of our personal and societal “stories.”

What can you do?

Learn vulnerability. Being vulnerable is at the core of meaningful human relationships, but there is no reward in nature for being physically vulnerable.  Since emotional pain is processed in similar regions of the brain as physical pain, there are penalties for being emotionally vulnerable. Language creates a massive problem causing emotional pain that is much more complex than in other mammals. Anger, as unpleasant as it is, is powerful, addicting, and masks being vulnerable. Anger creates a sense of emotional safety, but no one around you feels safe. How do you learn to be vulnerable when you are used to dealing with a lot of anger?

DYNAMIC HEALING

Needing to pursue the above-mentioned destructive behaviors drops as you address the root cause of sustained threat physiology. You cannot control the survival reactions but there are numerous ways to regulate your physiology. When your body is bathed in safety physiology, you feel safe, connected, and incredibly relaxed. We use the term, “dynamic healing”, which addresses factors affecting your physiology.

• Input – dealing with life’s challenges in a manner that less impact on your nervous system.
• State of the nervous system – calm or hyperactive
• Output or the physiology – can be directly regulated from threat to safety.

The details of the Dynamic Healing model are beyond the scope of this discussion. The focus is on you and learning skills in each category to create “cues of safety”, and not on fixing or solving your pain. It is a healing process, and not “self-help”.

RUTs (repetitive unpleasant thoughts)

Regarding the onslaught of unpleasant thoughts, consider the metaphor of a hornet’s nest, with the nest being your brain, and the hornets your thoughts. At rest, the hornets are busy collecting food, building the nest, cleaning house, and reproducing. If the nest is shaken, the hornets will become aggressive and defend themselves. When your nervous system is inflamed and hyperactive, your thought patterns become intense, since your conscious brain interprets your internal physiology.

The usual approach is to use cognitive rational techniques to counter bad thoughts with good thoughts, which is an impossible task. Then we put up our “shield” (self-esteem, self-affirmations) to protect us. It also overwhelming and wears us down. Exerting increased control (suppression) is also futile. Then the more attention you pay to the thoughts your brain is fired up even more. It is a bi-directional process.

The answer lies in “quit shaking the nest.” The hornets will calm down and return to their usual activities. As your nervous system calms down, your unpleasant thought patterns will lessen, which in turn helps calm your brain. Although cognitive approaches lower the input into the nervous system, calming it down is a separate skill. There are endless other ways besides unpleasant thoughts that fire it up.

There are four aspects of creating a safe relationhip with your thoughts.

• Thought separation
• Calming the nervous system (processing anger)
• Creativity – stimulating new neurological circuits away from the unpleasant ones.
• Dissolution of the ego – once you learn to feel safe, there is less need for it.

Calming your nervous system allows you to feel safe. It allows you to break free of ruminating thought patterns frees you up to create and live life on your terms.

References

1. Hulbert JC, et al. Inducing amnesia through systemic suppression. Nature Communications (2016); 7:11003 | DOI: 10.1038/ncomms11003
2. Garland EL, et al. Thought suppression as a mediator of the association between depressed mood and prescription opioid craving among chronic pain patients. J Behav Med (2016); 39:128–138. 10.1007/s10865-015-9675-9
3. Cole SW, et al. Social Regulation of gene expression in human leukocytes. Genome Biology (2007); 8:R189. doi: 10.1186/gb-2007-8-9-r189
4. Copeland W, et al.” Childhood bullying involvement predicts low-grade systemic inflammation into adulthood.” PNAS (2014); 111: 7570-7575.

The post Our Need to Feel Safe first appeared on Back in Control.

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My wife, Babs, and stepdaughter, Jasmine, and I have done these workshops together since 2013. Each year, we are energized and inspired by the shifts in mood, outlook, and physical symptoms that occur within a just few days. We have been perplexed for years why this is such a consistent outcome and the last few years of neuroscience research has now explained what happens. It revolves around experiencing threat versus safety.

Fight or flight/ rest and digest

Any mental or physical threat, real or perceived, fires up your body’s flight or fight response through the sympathetic nervous system. The reaction includes stress hormones, inflammation, and elevated metabolism (fuel consumption); and you are on alert, anxious, and agitated. If the perception of danger is prolonged, then your body will respond with many different symptoms and often illness. Chronic stress (threat) keeps you in this heighted state and has been documented in many studies to be deadly. (1)

The essence of the solution lies in finding safety, which creates a “rest and digest” state that allows you to regenerate, drop inflammation, and slow down your metabolism; you feel relaxed with less pain. There are many ways to induce this state of safety. The workshop creates an atmosphere that allows this to happen. Dr. Robert Dantzer and several other researchers wrote an extensive review looking at the interaction of social factors influencing inflammation (pain) and how the inflammatory condition impacts your behaviors. (2) The main ones with most impact are:

• Social connection
• Positive affect (emotional state)
• Sense of control
• Optimism/ Hope

These workshops address all these issues and each of them is calming and directly anti-inflammatory communicated through the Vagus nerve (10^th cranial nerve). Dr. Stephen Porges, through his research and writing on the Polyvagal theory, has nicely laid out the afferent input into the midbrain and its efferent output allows safe human interaction. (3)

Social Connection

There are few times and places where you can feel safe with others. Life is competitive and it’s challenging to get a break. School has many layers of stress. Bullying is rampant. Close friends often turn on each other. Social media has intruded on privacy and quiet time. Research has shown that only about a third of families are relatively free of chaos. Other stressful arenas include sports, music, the arts, employment, and social status. Where’s there a place to rest?

We quickly realized that we didn’t have to do much after we set up the weekend. Participants in a safe and structured setting healed each other. It was also a remarkable experience for us being in the presence of those who are so supportive of each other. Oxytocin is a bonding hormone that is secreted in safe and social situations and is anti-inflammatory.

Positive affect/ play

The  weekend is also focused on re-connecting people with each other by sharing enjoyable experiences. Many of the activities are held in small groups of four or five. Participants can feel safe and it’s remarkable how quickly healing occurs. Much of the weekend is spent in play, which is a great venue to feel safe.

Babs and Jasmine are important contributors by leading you in rhythm, song, relaxation exercises, and sharing.

 Sense of control (The “ring of fire”)

There are many tools that allow you to regulate your own body’s neurochemistry and responses to threats. Just this sense of control is anti-inflammatory. Additionally, understanding the nature of chronic mental and physical pain will enable you to personalize solutions.

Awareness of your current state of being is the first step and we use a tool called, “The Ring of Fire.” Being aware of which color you are in at the moment, allows you to choose your direction. The green center is where you rest and regenerate. Blue is “life.” The red ring of anxiety and frustration is an inherent part of life that must be navigated skillfully. The goal is to be able to exist in any part of the “circle of life” on your own terms.

Hope/ optimism

People in chronic pain lose hope. The loss of hope contributes to the actual pain by increasing inflammation by speeding up nerve conduction. We will be sharing many stories of hope with the group. Regaining hope is powerful.

Comments from prior classes

“I’m still high from the weekend. And off all pain meds (even Advil) after 10 years on opioids…………..    Interesting how the class responded to my hooping (hula hoop). I can see Babs and Jaz doing a session, maybe a half-hour?  What do you think? Neuroplasticity, endorphins, fun!  Whether people catch on right away or not, laughter will be a result.  It could take practice, just like learning the cup song.  And for any resistant males, emphasize that it will improve their sex lives!”

“The program has been enormously helpful, and I can only conclude that it’s helping me to live in a more authentic way, which I feel makes my unconscious happy! I think when you have an abusive parent you have to suppress your feelings so much that suppression, avoidance and denial become your coping mechanisms. But as you know, it’s no way to live your life.

It’s possible I may still need surgery eventually, but if so, I feel that thanks to following the program, I’d be able to do it in a conscious and aware manner. Before, I felt very strongly that It would be a mistake.”

“………….  My family and co-workers are amazed at my progress. I am especially committed to no longer talking about my pain and to writing on a regular basis. I am getting (have gotten) my life back!”

Several commented, “I feel like I just spent a weekend away at camp.”

Reconnection to you

We have always been aware that when returning home, the pain will recur. But tasting freedom from pain is powerful. Every cell in your body is created to survive and thrive. If you allow yourself to be open to possibilities, it is a matter of time before you find your way to healing. Many participants have leveraged these workshops to a more enjoyable life.

References:

1. Rosengren A, Orth-Gomer K, Wedel H, Wilhelmsen L. 1993 Stressful life events, social support, and mortality in men born in 1933. Br. Med. J (1993); 307:1102–1105.
2. Dantzer R, et al. Resilience and immunity. Brain Behav Immun (2018); 74:28-42. doi:10.1016/j.bbi.2018.08.010
3. Porges, Steven. The Polyvagal Theory. Norton and Co., New York, NY, 2011.

Ffvb

through the Vagus nerve (10^th cranial nerve).

The post Experiencing Safety: Solving Chronic Pain: An Immersive Weekend Retreat first appeared on Back in Control.

The post Experiencing Safety: Solving Chronic Pain: An Immersive Weekend Retreat appeared first on Back in Control.

Safety

With cues of safety from your environment, your response will consist of hormones such as serotonin (anti-depressant), dopamine (rewards), oxytocin (bonding), growth hormone (regeneration), and GABA chemicals (calming, anti-anxiety). The immune response stimulates anti-inflammatory cytokines. Metabolism will be lower and the whole scenario allows the body to rest and regenerate.

Physically, the result is feeling relaxed, slower heart rate and breathing, muscle relaxation, and reduced speed of nerve conduction, which decreases pain. The more time that can be spent in this regenerative state the better.

Most of the time, your body’s goal is to maintain equilibrium (homeostasis) and keep your range of behaviors and chemistry in a stable zone. For example, the nociceptive (pain) system unconsciously guides you to avoid actions that would cause harm. When you experience an uncomfortable or unpleasant sensation from any source, it is simply signaling danger and then you are compelled to take action to remain safe.

Threat

Environmental cues of threat are met with mobilization of all of your body’s resources in order to defend yourself. It includes your immune system with elevations of inflammatory cytokines, elevated metabolism to provide fuel, and the secretion of stress hormones such as cortisol, adrenaline, noradrenaline, histamines, and endorphins.

Physically and mentally, you are on “high alert” with numerous bodily responses. The basic ones include an increased heart rate, rapid breathing, increased speed of nerve conduction (increases pain), elevated blood pressure, sweating, muscle tension, and a sense of danger that we call anxiety. There also numerous symptoms created by this physiological state. They include tension and migraine headaches, neck and low back pain, skin rashes, stomach cramps, depression, bipolar, burning sensations in various parts of your body, and over 30 additional responses. Although the chemical environment encompasses your whole body, each organ and organ system will manifest its unique response.

Symptoms, illness, and disease

Balance is needed between your stresses and your capacity to deal with them. When you processing your circumstances well, you’ll feel connected to what you are doing and often will feel contented and safe. When your coping mechanisms are overwhelmed, your whole body will rise to the occasion to defend you, and every cell in your body goes into different levels of high alert. You will experience the above-mentioned threat symptoms.

When the threat is transient or resolvable, the symptoms will quickly abate. When it is more prolonged, you may develop an illness(es) that are reversible with appropriate treatments or when the stress has been resolved. When threat is sustained, people will eventually develop serious illness and diseases that cause permanent tissue damage and create mental havoc. Diseases don’t “just happen.” What would happen to your car if you were driving a long distance down the freeway at 70 mph in second gear. The engine would be running at a very high speed and will break down quickly.

There are two aspects of the situation that affect the quality of your life.

• The state of your nervous system:
  • Your inherent coping skills
  • Your current degree of neurological reactivity
• Your circumstances including:
  • The magnitude and duration of mental and/or physical threat
    • Note the human inability to escape from unpleasant thoughts and emotions.

Solving/ Preventing chronic disease

The core principles in solving/preventing chronic diseases with chronic pain being just one of many, are centered around the following 1) developing and nurturing a more resilient nervous system (processing center) 2) learning methods to process your stressors so they have less of an impact on your nervous system.

Examples of approaches to increase your nervous system’s coping capacity:

• Restful sleep
• Exercise
• Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT)
  • Learning to feel threatening mental or physical sensations and training yourself “to be with them.”
• Education – understanding the nature of chronic pain allows you to choose your own way of escape.
• Addressing childhood trauma
• Meditation practices

Some methods that lessen the impact of your threat:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (changing thought patterns)
• Not discussing your pain
• Mindfulness/ active meditation – changes sensory input
• Forgiveness
• Awareness – can be used as its own tool
• Getting organized
• Expressive writing – separates you from your thoughts

Safety vs. threat

Modern medicine has nullified these aspects of care in that we are not given the time nor are we encouraged to talk to our patients. From the beginning, we are not providing cues of safety. Consequently, we don’t know our patients and their coping capacity and really don’t know much about their circumstances. We are given only the time to treat symptoms. We are ignoring the root cause of the problem. It is similar to trying to put out an oil well fire with a garden hose. It can’t and doesn’t work. Indeed, there is an ongoing and growing epidemic of chronic disease – both mental and physical.

A general overview of the mechanisms of how you will effectively be approaching chronic disease involves:

• Lowering inflammation (output) – calming techniques
• Increasing the resiliency of the nervous system – neuroplasticity
• Input – choosing what data to download

There is a marked amount of overlap and these three categories are artificial designations. They are intended to create a framework for discussion around developing and applying various interventions. You will learn tools to stimulate your brain to change and also calm down your nervous system. There will be a major shift in your body’s neurochemical profile. You can program your brain around most anything. Remember, this is not, “mind over matter.” You will lose that battle. Think of it more like a sculpting process and you have the power to create whatever reality you choose. The DOC Journey will guide you through this healing process at whatever pace you are comfortable with.

In summary, the root cause of chronic disease states is unrelenting exposure to threat and the solution is learning methods to create safety.

The post Principles of Solving Chronic Pain first appeared on Back in Control.

The post Principles of Solving Chronic Pain appeared first on Back in Control.

I have been aware that many partners remain noticeably silent during my interviews with the patient. At the end of the visit I assign homework. The first step is to have my patient learn about chronic pain. I give them a copy of my book or suggest that they read any book that they might prefer. I schedule a repeat visit within a few weeks to discuss the concepts and develop a plan.

I will also ask his or her partner to learn about pain and fully engage in the DOC project. “If you don’t have chronic pain, just use the word ‘stress’ or ‘anxiety.” I point  out that it would be beneficial for them personally to immerse themselves in the concepts. The tools are excellent stress management technique

The benefits to the patient

But the main reason I ask his or her partner to fully engage is that there is a neurological phenomenon of mirror neurons. Actions and words directly stimulate similar parts of the other’s brain. For example, when you smile at a baby he or she will usually smile back. It is not because the baby is happy. The smiling center of the baby’s brain was stimulated. It is a similar process when a person’s laugh will usually cause others to laugh – even though they have no idea what they are laughing at.

I then ask my patient’s partner the question, “What is your day like when your partner is having a bad day?” The response is uniformly, “Bad.” I point out that what do you think your partner’s day is like when you are upset. Many have not thought about that possibility. Maybe they are ruining the day for him or her? I explain that this is not a psychological phenomenon but it is neurological through the mirror neuron effect. Conversely, if he or she is also healing and growing it will stimulate the healthier parts of their partner’s brain. I have long observed that couples who both participate benefit greatly.

In spite of my being as clear (blunt) as I can, it is rare that a partner will engage without me nagging three or four times and even then they resist. This is often true even when they observe their partner experiencing dramatic healing. Why?

Why won’t partners engage?

I just have some thoughts. Based on my personal experience being raised by a mother in chronic pain it is clear that the person in pain has a lot of power within the family. My mother was endlessly angry and was physically and emotionally abusive. She also always got her way – regardless of the consequences. Anytime she was challenged she retreated to her room because she did not feel well. Her pain and behavior would delay and destroy simple family events. She felt she had the right to lash out at anyone anytime she wanted to. Pain=Anger=Abuse

No matter how committed a partner might be it is very difficult to live with someone in pain. How could you not be resentful? Although you might consciously want your partner to feel better, I am guessing that there might be some deep, buried feelings that would block supportive action.

What needs are being met?

Chronic pain is also a complex family issue in that to remain together as a couple there must be needs that are being met by their partner being ill.   Do they have an unconscious need to be controlled? Has he or she been abused in the past and it is a familiar pattern? If a person in a family gets better then it calls the others out. They have lost some of their own excuses not to heal. I have witnessed patients improve, even for a few years, get pulled back into the disabled role by intense family pressure. Breaking Loose – Not Quite

Dr. Bernie Siegel’s Observations

I have enjoyed getting to know and work with Dr. Siegel, who is a surgeon and author of several books, including Love, Medicine and Miracles. He has taught me a lot about human nature and has helped many people with serious diseases tap into their own healing powers. He has some insights into the family dynamics around pain.

“If I don’t have my pain how do I get attention?”

SIEGEL’S SIGN

When everyone in the family looks worn or ill and one person doesn’t guess who has the ‘pain’.”

“One family told me they hired a nurse for their sick sister and she would wake them up at night and let the nurse sleep. Also I guaranteed her a cure at her next office visit and privately told the family to watch what happens. She never returned to the office but would meet me in the ER now and then for help.”

It has become clear to me that many people don’t want to give up their pain. Even though they are still truly suffering, they somehow become addicted to power of it and the ability to retain the attention of the whole family. There is also the trend for a family member to assume the identity of a caretaker to the point of neglecting his or her own needs.

Are you really willing to give up the power of your pain? It is anxiety-producing to give up lifelong behavioral patterns? You might be one of the people I have asked to help out with healing my patient and your life partner. How serious are you about really wanting him or her to experience a rich and full life? Could you be the person who is having some your needs met by taking care of someone who is disabled? Most of this occurs at a deep unconscious level. I am encouraging you to take a good look at your family dynamics. The fact you are reading this post is a good start.

The Crab Bucket 

The post Pain Rules the Roost first appeared on Back in Control.

The post Pain Rules the Roost appeared first on Back in Control.

Anger

It is my observation that the whole system of care ignores the most significant factor that contributes to the development of chronic pain—anger. Anger is universal and part of the human experience. Some argue for the necessity of anger. In any case, it is not going away any time soon. Anger provides a useful survival mechanism. When you are threatened and feel anxiety, you will take evasive or avoidance action. When that ability to escape is lost, you will become angry, which increases your body’s physical reaction and mental focus to solve the problem.

Control

The antidote to anxiety is control.

Loss of control = anger.

The current disability system strips the worker of control. Additionally, at least in Washington State, the injured worker is at the mercy of a medically unsophisticated claims examiner. That examiner has final say in everything. As “enlightened” as I am, I cannot discuss a case with an examiner for more than a few minutes before I feel like I am losing my mind. I cannot imagine having my well being, as well as my livelihood, at the mercy of this system.

Dealing with the Anger

It will not matter what systems are designed to “incentivize” workers to return to work, unless this core issue of anger is addressed. You don’t have to incentivize any living creature to jump out of a cage. You just have to the door. Anger not only traps workers so they cannot fully engage in their care, but it also robs them of the ability or motivation to become engaged.

Although anger can be a useful survival mechanism, it is usually destructive to you and everyone around you.  Your anger imposes its own will on the immediate surroundings, and you lose all ability to rationally interact with your environment. The consequences are often disastrous. The most well designed programs are not going to be effective unless the wall of anger can be penetrated.

Anger and Frustration with Workers Compensation 

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BF

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• Not running a red light to avoid getting hit
• Treating our boss with respect to avoid getting fired
• Seeking food because you are afraid of starving
• Cutting away from yourself with a knife to avoid hurting yourself

Anxiety is the sensation that is felt when your brain senses danger (real or perceived), and creates a survival reaction. It is a “reflex” or link to your environment. 

Our modern world holds out the promise of happiness if we have enough of “X.”  One of the “X’s” is less anxiety. It appears to me that there is a lot of energy spent trying to rid anxiety from our lives. If you did this completely, you could not survive more than a few minutes. But we still keep trying and it’s ironic that the harder we work on eliminating anxiety from our lives, the stronger it becomes.

Some of our attempts are:

• Suppression/denial
• Rigid/structured thinking
• Avoiding anxiety-producing situations
  • Phobias
  • Decreasing the “size” of your life
• Direct control
  • Other people
    • Marriage
      • Control of household
      • Control of spouse
      • Control of children
    •  Boss
    •  Bully
      • Bullying is basically an anxiety reaction
      • Much of this behavior carries on into adulthood—just better disguised.
        • “All is fair in love and war”
        • “That’s just business”
    • Circumstances
    • Self

A universal strategy to decrease anxiety is to strive for more power and thereby increase your ability to control people and circumstances. I don’t know what percent of high achieving people have this as their motivation versus a vision based on love and excellence. My own obsessive drive to become a top tier spine surgeon was anxiety-based. Examples of ways we try to gain more power:

• Gain Strength
  • Physical
  • Mental
  • Spiritual
  • Financial
• More control over others
  • Intimidation
  • Guilt
  • Organizing others for your own agenda

It is not that many of the above behaviors are undesirable. It depends on the motivation and intensity and the effect on those close around you. The first and necessary step is to become aware of the effects of anxiety on you and those close to you. Then you will be able to process it in a way that allows you and others close to you to thrive.

The post Decreasing Anxiety with Control first appeared on Back in Control.

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