At some tipping point, this becomes the new trajectory of your life. Life’s challenges continue to come at all of us. As life becomes easier to navigate, your body is exposed to less threat (stress) physiology and more to safety. Safety is where fuel moves into cells, and your body regenerates and heals.

The metaphor for this navigated course is the ski slope. No matter what your skill level, you must get down the hill. If the ski run is above your skill level, you may not be only stressed, it can be terrifying. The goal is become an expert at life skills and learn to feel safe a higher percent of the time. Here are the prerequisites.

• Have a working knowledge of The DOC Journey course.
• Understand the natural resistance to change.
• Review the “circle of life” with the “ring of fire.”
• Begin to connect to your vision of what is possible.
• Your healing emanates from feeling safe and creative.
• Constructing your new home (life) is the final focus of the journey. Enjoy!!

Overview

First of all, congratulations for reaching this level. The key to healing is persistence and you have already shown a willingness to fully engage in learning to create and live the life you want. Before you began this journey, that may not have seemed possible. But to be clear, your journey is not about completing a course or believing in David Hanscom. It is about connecting your own capacity to heal. Healing of any part of the body is nothing short of miraculous, but so is the gift of life.

Many people arrive at this point of their journey and they feel better. So, being back to their baseline, they quit. “I am good enough,” and they move on with their life. I think that it is tragic to stop now. Your creative brain is coming alive and the potential for future learning and growth is unlimited. Why would you want to stop?

There are actually a few reasons why this happens so often.

• Humans are programmed by every second of their lives. Our brains unconsciously memorize everything. Familiar patterns are not noticed since not only are they embedded in our brains, but they are our version of reality. Any new or unusual data catches our attention and stimulates some level of threat physiology. We feel anxious and instinctively resist change. So, maybe you are back to a comfortable baseline state. Why would you wish to continue?
• There is a lot of anxiety with success, if you are used to simply trying to survive. When is the shoe going to drop? A classic example is golf. It is remarkably predictable that when you have shot well for three or four holes that your anxiety levels rise. Of course your muscle tension increases, and suddenly it seems like you don’t which end of the club to hold. The same scenario holds true in any performance arena at home, work, or even relaxing.
• Examples are present in every kind of performance. Maybe you have been promoted and have a higher profile in your sphere of influence. More eyes are on you, and many people might jealous of your success. They may look for any opportunity to cut you down. There is a term for this phenomenon called “Tall Poppy Syndrome.” It is easier to just blend in with the crowd.
• Understand that the shoe will always drop. That is life. If your goal is to be in an endless state of bliss, you’ll fail. Life presents an endless number of daily challenges and at some level of stress, your body will respond with threat physiology. Maybe it will last for an hour or even days. It is what your body is supposed to do – protect you. But you now have choices regarding how long you wish to remain there.
• A different problem arises in that now you have tasted what it is like to be in the green center, and you don’t want to leave. Additionally, when you are triggered and in the red, the contrast is sharp and you may get more frustrated about what is possible compared what you are experiencing in the moment. I call this, “the curse of awareness.” What you want to do is nuture emotional flexibilty, be present with whatever state you are in, and move in the direction of your choice.
• I experienced a common scenario in that I had no idea that there were other possibilities about the way I negotiated my life. All I ever knew was anger and chaos. Although, I attended workshops, read self-help books, and underwent extensive counseling. I did not connect with how angry I was until I was 50 years old. It was an incredibly unpleasant experience and I did not have the tools to deal with it. Healing happens with connection – to yourself and then to those around you. Not wanting to experience unpleasant emotions may be a major reason why people don’t engage in this process or pull up short of really moving forward. One of my friends has often quoted the phrase, “you have to feel to heal.”

The ”circle of life” containing the “ring of fire” is the signature tool of this journey. A version of it was created by Dr. Paul Gilbert, who was the founder of compassion-based therapy. Compassion (love) as defined by Anthony DeMello in his book, The Way to Love, is awareness. Anxiety blocks awareness. But as you nurture awareness, you’ll actually feel more anxiety, and it requires tools to tolerate it. This is a bidirectional interaction. So, this final level is focused on not only learning to nurture joy, but also to better tolerate anxiety.

The metaphor is building and decorating a new house. Each room represents an aspect of your life that must be addressed. Use it daily as a quick mental checklist as you go from room to room in your own home. The “lot” is the green center of the circle of life. With repetition, you’ll create the life you want. “To have a good life, you must live a good life.”

Books to read

Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effectiveness

Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible. The Stoic philosopher Epictetus was born on the eastern edges of the Roman Empire in A.D. 55, but The Art of Living is still perfectly suited for any contemporary self-help or recovery program.

The healing journey progresses from “reaCtive to Creative”. You must first see where you are at before you can change direction. You can’t heal by focusing on problems. Healing occurs with creativity and moving away from unpleasant neurological circuits. The wisdom of the Stoics is remarkable in that it is as, or more, relevant as it was 2000 years ago. Regaining a healthy life perspective is the definitive solution to decreasing your suffering.

On the slopes

A world class skier can ski anything humanly possible if the conditions are reasonable. I used to think I was a double black diamond skier until I was exposed to US Ski Team skiers who were far above a level than I ever imagined. They not only possess a high level of skill, but they are supremely confident as a result of putting in thousands of hours of practice.

Many years ago a group of us where on the back side of mountain at Alta Utah. It was a gorgeus day with a lot of new soft powder. We were all “expert” skiers. We were standing in a narrow line waiting to head down the hill and my son, who is a US Ski team level mogul skier was on another transverse about 30 feet above us. We wondered what he wanted us to do. What he wanted was fresh untracked powder and he took off and jumped over all of us. It must have been a 40-foot drop and he landed about 50 feet down the hill. There was no hesitation. He kept going until the bottom skiing at a high speed. I realized that his was a reality I was not familiar with.

But consider any performance from art, music, dance, athletics, mechanics, business, and work. Every endeavor can be manifested at the highest level. You might be thinking, “I could never accomplish this level of expertise, and in a given field, you probably won’t. Or maybe you already have. However, life skills are accessible to everyone and anyone who wants to commit the living an excellent life. All that is required is a willingness to continue to learn and practice. The DOC Journey presents a foundational set of concepts and tools and there are endless additonal ways to enhance your journey.

The only “goal” of this course is to allow you to connect to the moment you are in and with awareness can be in any color of the “circle of life” on your terms. You have the choice to remain there or move in any direction.

Why not attain the highest level of expertise in living your life? The focus is on attaining skills and not reaching for perfect, where you beat yourself up for “failing.” It is about just learning to execute what you know regardless of the circumstances. Outcomes are usually beyond our control, but you can up the odds of success.

This level is a jumping off point for living the rest of your life. Let yourself think big and enjoy your day.

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The title of this song¹ is a common way many of us deal with adversity. However, it encompasses both halves of the “ironic effect” and the actual well-documented outcome of this approach to life is more worry and sadness.

What is “the ironic effect” and how does it work?

There two aspects of it.

First, it is well known that if you suppress unpleasant thoughts, not only will they become stronger, but there is also a trampoline effect where they become much stronger.² We often joke about it, but it is serious problem that disrupts your quality of life, drives fight or flight physiology, and causes many symptoms, illnesses, and diseases. “Don’t worry” is thought suppression.

Secondly, and less known, is that setting high ideals and standards for yourself  will take you down in the other direction. For example, if you strive for happiness, you will experience sadness. If you allow sadness, you will be happier.³ So, the higher your ideals and intentions, the higher your chances of being riddled by anxiety.

Why does this phenomenon occur? The answer lies in the massive impact of the unconscious survival brain compared to the limited power of the conscious brain. Your unconscious brain processes about 40 million bits of information per second compared to your conscious brain dealing with about 40 per second. It is a million times stronger. Let’s look at the problem of “being happy.”

The pursuit of happiness

“Happy” is a conscious construct. The problem is that your conscious brain is no match for your survival reactions that evolved to be so unpleasant as to compel us to take actions to survive. The data shows that by trying to outrun or compensate for your stresses by pursuing pleasure, you’ll cause a highly inflammatory reaction. Your DNA dictates the production of destructive inflammatory cells call, “warrior monocytes” that attack your own tissues in addition to bacteria, viruses, and other foreign invaders.⁴ The sensation generated by this inflammatory response is anxiety.

Another aspect of this ironic effect is that by pursuing happiness, you’ll worry about the ways you might not achieve it. You have set a largely unconscious standard of what happy is for you. As you monitor your happiness, you are in ongoing self-judgmental mode that wears you down.

Happy is also a label, which is a core cognitive distortion.⁵ What is it and how encompassing is it? What percent of the time do you have to be in a happy state to label yourself as “happy?” What activities and accomplishments are required to reach your criteria? How do you react when daily challenges interrupt this state of mind?

Philosophers and psychologists have viewed attachment as the root of suffering. Anthony DeMello has a concise definition of it.⁶ If something feels good you want more and if it is unpleasant, you want less. Being attached to “happy” will paradoxically increase your suffering. The most well-intentioned people are the most subject to the ironic effect in that the higher their ideals, the greater the chance they’ll be riddled with racing thoughts and anxiety.

“Don’t worry?”

We all know the problems that occur when you try not think about something. One classic paper was published in 1987,² The Paradoxical Effects of Thought Suppression.” Again, more well-intentioned people will suppress a higher percent of “unacceptable” thoughts and also give meaning to them. They are just thoughts but will become more powerful as they keep being interpreted as good or bad.

Repetitive Unpleasant Thoughts  (RUT’s) are universal. When you have a bizarre, even unspeakable thought, of course you would suppress it. Why wouldn’t you?  It has nothing to do with anything about you or your value system. As it arises again and again, it is instantly suppressed.  Eventually suppression becomes automatic, which is called repression. Seems pretty normal, right? Except what happens is that your nervous system inadvertently gave this random thought a tremendous amount of power. Every time that thought is suppressed/ repressed, that neurological circuit has been reinforced. These circuits become stronger and connected with more experiences.⁷ Eventually, you may end up spending a lot of mental energy dealing with these anxiety-producing, disruptive thought(s). As you feel trapped and frustrated, these circuits are driven even harder from your brain being inflamed.

These disruptive thoughts become your “demons.” They are not your demons. They are the opposite of who you are and who you are not. My term for these irrational, non-responsive neurological patterns are “robots”. You cannot deal with a robot. You cannot talk to it or reason with it. There is absolutely nothing that can be done from a rational standpoint to change an unresponsive neurological circuit. In fact, when you discuss your demons and try to figure out why they are there, you are firing up and adding even morecomplexity to the circuits. They become even stronger and you can’t unlearn them. How do you “unlearn” to ride a bike? You can’t. They really are RUT’s.

Allow worry?

No one wants to talk about the existence of RUT’s because they are so disruptive, and often feel shameful. The initial step is to understand the nature of the problem and realize that these thoughts are emanating from your unconscious brain. You must separate your identity from them. They are just thoughts, are also universal, and you don’t have to personally identify with them.

The unpleasant emotions connected with them are your body’s physiology responding to the perceived threats. Remember, they are actually the opposite of who you are as a well-meaning person.

Fortunately, there are solutions that have been known for centuries, but don’t seem to be readily apparent in our modern world. The principles revolve around allowing yourself to be with your painful emotions, use strategies to calm down your threat physiology, and then choose joy. With repetition you’ll reprogram your survival reactions into more pleasant alternatives. As emotional pain is processed in similar regions of the brain as physical pain, it hurts.⁸ Professional support and direction are often needed.

Joy

Choosing joy is different than positive thinking, which is another form of thought suppression. It entails having a positive outlook, “taking the hits,” and consistently making positive choices. But you can’t make the positive choices without knowing where you are at in the moment. “What you can feel, you can heal.”⁹ As you learn to be with your mental pain instead of fighting it, these unpleasant circuits will become less active. It is similar to any skill that fades without practice.

Be with worry and choose happy. Learning skills to accomplish this allows you rise above your “RUT’s” and live a more enjoyable life.

References:

1. McFerrin, Bobby. Released 1988; Number 1 single from album Simple Pleasures.

1. Wegener, D.M., et al. “Paradoxical effects of thought suppression.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1987); 53: 5-13.
2. Wegner D. The Seed of Our Undoing. Psychological Science Agenda, January/February, 1999, 10-11.
3. Cole SW, et al. Social regulation of gene expression in human leukocytes. Genome Biology (2007); 8:R189. doi:10.1186/gb-2007/8/9/R189
4. Burns, David. Feeling Good. Avon Books, Harper Collins, New York, NY, 1999.

6. DeMello, Anthony, The Way to Love. Double Day, New York, NY, 1992.
7. Mansour AR, et al. Chronic pain: The role of learning and brain plasticity. Restorative Neurology and Neuroscience (2014); 32:129-139. DOI 10.3233/RNN-139003
8. Eisenberger NI, et al An experimental study of shared sensitivity to physical pain and social rejection. Pain (2006); 126:132-138.
9. John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Harper Collins, New York, NY, 1992.

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A representative definition of “Authentic Self”

This is a piece from “A to Zen” from the Internet that represents a common line of thinking about the term, “authentic self.”¹ The problem is that in the human experience, our powerful behavioral patterns win out and these enviable traits are buried. Then it becomes even more frustrating when we can’t live up to our “standards.” The cycle continues in that we may actually engage in destructive behaviors even though we know better.

In general, when talking about someone who is authentic, we mean that they are genuine, honest, and real.

An authentic person is someone who is comfortable in their skin and doesn’t feel the need to put on a front to fit in and be accepted by others. They know who they are, and they don’t hide it.

They understand their purpose and follow their life’s passion. They don’t chase after money, status, and possessions and are not immorally competitive, for they are not fearful of anyone.

However, this doesn’t mean they don’t live a wealthy life and enjoy nice things, but they define and strive for success to their own standard. 

7 SIGNS YOU ARE AN AUTHENTIC PERSON

1. YOU ARE ACCEPTING OF YOURSELF AND OTHERS

2. YOU HAVE A HEALTHY EGO

3. YOU HAVE A REALISTIC PERCEPTION OF REALITY

4. YOU ACCEPT MISTAKES (AND LEARN FROM THEM)

5. YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY MATURE 

6. YOU ARE CONSIDERATE TOWARDS OTHERS

7. YOU DON’T FEEL THREATENED BY OTHERS

What if you don’t have these traits? The problem is that few of us consistently exhibit many of these admirable qualities. Where would you have learned them if you were raised in a chaotic environment? Even if we possess some of them, how often do they get sabotaged, and how many of us have all of them. If the authentic self becomes an “internal standard” of being, then our self-critical voices will chime in to remind us how often we don’t (can’t) live up to these ideals, we are less accepting of ourselves, more frustrated, inflamed, and will experience more mental and physical pain.

Your ”authentic self”

Your authentic self is right here in front of you. It is the summation of your life programming from your parents, siblings, peers, teachers, employers, societal norms, and the marketing world. In other words, you are the product of who everyone else has told you to be. These messages are internalized and become your own inner voice telling you how you should be. The outcome is a lot of noise in your brain of self-judgement and that of others. We call it “self-esteem.” It is a mismatch of your powerful unconscious brain versus your conscious one. It is endless and wears you down.

David Eagleman in his brilliant book, Livewired, points out that humans are uniquely dependent on their parents for physical survival compared to most mammals. A baby is completely helpless and cannot survive on its own for many years.²

The emotional brain is even more complex in that we have language with an infinite number of possibilities. We are programmed by every moment of our lives, which means none of us are the same. Humans give meaning to everything, and no two people can look at a physical object in the same way. Thoughts and concepts are much more complex, and we are downloaded first with concrete concepts, then abstract ideas, and we don’t develop deep philosophical thinking for many years.

We are completely at the mercy of our environment as to what is inputted into our brains. What becomes more problematic is that thoughts and ideals are perceived as real to a given person as a car or table.³ They become our version of reality or life filter. Once this life lens is set, it becomes reinforced over a lifetime – unless you choose to become aware of it and change it.

Who are you?

So, we are who the world has told us we should be. We have programmed behavioral patterns that are the foundation of our existence. Most of them result from the basic need to survive. Few of us are taught how to nurture joy. Who are we?

You are who you are today. You can see yourself by becoming aware of what you react to, what makes you anxious and angry, what are your behaviors and attitudes towards yourself and others, how much personal responsibility you take for your actions, and what level of compassion and empathy you FEEL for others.

For example, most of us know that compassion is a good idea. But what happens when you are upset. You may say or do things that you are not proud of, and compassion goes right out the window. It is because compassion is a conscious construct and anger automatically arises from your unconscious brain. It is a million to one mismatch. It is that reaction in the moment is who you are because something in the present connected you to something threatening (or perceived as such) in the past. You are there and not here. It is also who you are.

“Love Your Enemies”

Anthony DeMello in his book, The Way to Love, has a chapter called, “Love Your Enemies.” He points out that if someone angers you, you should thank them. The problem is not them, but in you. Their words or actions triggered a response in you that allows you to have more awareness of what is inside of you.⁴ It is challenging in that it still feels like the other person causing the problem, but it is you that is being triggered. The exception, of course, is physical or emotional abuse. Anger is a necessary protective reaction.

Your real “Authentic Self”

This all sounds a bit hopeless but there is a lot of hope once you realize the depth of your programming and how it is playing out today. The key word is, “awareness.” Once you are aware of how your past is continually playing out in the present, you can direct where you want your brain to develop going forward. It continues to change every second and the term is called, “neuroplasticity.” The sequence is 1) awareness 2) separation 3) reprogramming. Without awareness, you’ll continue to be mired in the past.

As you learn to take full responsibility for every one of your actions without judgement, you can create any reality you want by consistently making better choices, and the above-mentioned traits can be nurtured daily.

This new evolving person is still your authentic self. You just don’t have to keep searching for it.

References

1. By Marissa on” A to Zen Life,” June 11, 2022. https://atozenlife.com/authentic-person/
2. Eagleman, David. Livewired. Cannongate Books, Edinburgh, UK, 2020.
3. Feldman Barret, Lisa. How Emotions are Made. Houghton, Mifflin, Harcourt, New York, NY, 2018.
4. DeMello, Anthony. The Way to Love. Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group. New York, NY, 1995.

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• A guided course of seven legs and rest stops
• Video tutuorials
• Webinars
• Weekly group Q&A sessions
• Weekly blogs and podcasts
• Access to having questions answered
• An app based on our workshops – awareness, hope, forgiveness, and play

This post is the introduction to the final rest stop of the guided journey. We are excited in that it represents a much clearer sequence of concepts and there is more clarity as to what are next steps. One of the most powerful aspects of The DOC Journey is the sequencing. You are dealing with deep patterns in the unconscious brain and it takes awareness and repetition to access and redirect them. But the core of it all is much clearer and has been easier to present and explain to people. With engagement, the outcomes have been consistent with the main variable being how much time it takes.

Introduction to rest stop seven

Your Journey has not ended but it has just begun. You began from a place that was dark and you are working your way into the light or maybe you are already there. People often get frustrated because they don’t feel they are healing quickly enough or wonder why others seem to be doing so much better than they are. There is no time frame or rush. Everyone is different and each of us has experienced more than our share of suffering. There are no exceptions. It is important to keep learning and using your tools that allow your brain/body to heal. The key words are patience and persistence.

Remember the deep paradox of this journey. You are letting go to move forward in contrast to our strong inclination to keep fixing ourselves and those close to us.

Thrive

Many people feel better after a few months. They are no longer in a crisis, their pain has improved, and they stop. They usually continue to stick with some basic strategies and do fine. But my observation is that they are missing a huge opportunity to thrive. Once you break free of The Abyss, your potential to move forward is unlimited. The more you nurture this opportunity to grow, the farther you’ll be away from your pain circuits. The concepts of play, giving back, and the spiritual journey are not tools to combat anxiety and pain. That turns into obsessive behavior and little is accomplished. They are more about expanding your life and horizon into the life you always wanted. There are several aspects to creating this capacity to navigate and fully experience every aspect of your circle of life.

• The foundation is awareness combined with the circle of life, which includes “the ring of fire.” Being aware of which part of the circle you are in is a powerful approach. You now have a choice of using your tools to change direction or stay where you are.
• The goal of using the ring of fire model is not to attempt to be in one particular part of it. It is a common perception to feel that most of your life should be spent in the center. That is not life or realistic. Being aware of when you are in the center is the key and knowing when you need to enter it to “re-fuel.” It is the foundation for passing through the ring of fire and engaging in your life activities in the blue ring.
• There are several important concepts to consider.
  • You should nurture and expand the center. The more time you can realistically spend there, the better. It is where your body regenerates.
  • As you learn to develop a “working relationship” with the ring of fire, it will paradoxically be less daunting and easier to navigate.
  • The blue periphery is life and there never was a limit to it. We create our own limitations.

 Your new home

This final rest stop is a framework for settling into your new life and continue to practice the tools that will help you indefinitely. We will conceptualize this stop as where you are building your new home.

• The green center is your lot and it is round. It provides the foundation for your house and you can landscape it to your heart’s content. This is done by using tools that engender self-compassion and you are expanding the center.
• It is important to protect your home and the red ring will do that for you. Anxiety and anger necessary danger signals. You will also be personally arming yourself to defend yourself and your safe haven.
• Each room of your house represents an aspect of your life that you will furnish and decorate.

The phases of the construction include:

• Dreaming of what you want and defining it
• Drawing up final plans
• The rooms
  • Entry – Awareness
  • Family room – Social connections
  • Kitchen – Diet/ Nutrition
  • Bathroom – Processing anxiety/ frustration
  • Master bedroom – Sleep/ Nurturing your closest relationships
  • Other bedrooms – Your family/ guests
  • Den/ office – headquarters
  • Garage – Transportation to the outside world/ your reserves
  • Landscaping – Nurturing and growing the center
  • Protection
    • Alarm system
    • Dog
    • Self-defense
  • Basement–workout room/ exercise

The essence of life is avoiding threat and seeking safety. It is necessary to actively seek both in that you need safety to create the reserves you need to deal with life’s challenges. Otherwise, you’ll be overwhelmed a good percent of the time, with a limited capacity to enjoy your life or even worse, continue to suffer.

You have only just begun

We all equate home with safety, but all too often it is not, especially when chronic pain is in the middle of it. Family members are also our most powerful triggers and it is bidirectional. Creating a “safe house” or haven takes a focused effort but none of the steps are difficult with the right tools. You have heard the saying, “A carpenter is only as good as his/ her tools. You now have the opportunity to create whatever life you want and even though this is the end of this course, you have just begun your journey.

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One of the most difficult concepts to operationalize in healing from chronic pain is that you cannot fix it. Your attention is on the problem, not the solution. Since your brain is constantly changing structure, you’re reinforcing the pain circuits. Solving chronic pain requires that you move towards your vision and actively pursue it. Paradoxically, your pain will be left behind and you can create whatever life you would like.

Somehow, we have big dreams when we are young without resources to attain them, and then when we are older and may have the means to pursue these visions, we don’t. We get stuck in life and all of its trauma. People often dream of retirement and then don’t what to do with themselves. He has an unusual and inspiring approach.

Maurice L. Monette holds a doctorate in Adult Education from Columbia University. He directed and taught in graduate programs for adult learners at Loyola and John F. Kennedy universities. Monette is now an artist and writer and lives in Oakland, California.

Play 20*

Maurice L. Monette

At 68, I asked myself, “Why not play 20?”

The idea to “play 20” hit me when I was trying to learn something new and felt particularly frustrated. I reflected on the fact that many 20-year-olds become able to identify themselves as professionals of some sort by the time they reach 25.  Julia is suddenly an engineer. David has become a nurse. So, with all my experience at 68, why can’t I make myself the artist or writer I’ve actually dreamed of being? Why can’t I begin to identify myself as an artist or writer and become a respectable one within five years?

Why? Because I’m too old. I can’t learn new tricks. I am a senior. My mind isn’t what it used to be. I have pain. I’m not feeling well enough. I shouldn’t need to learn more. I already have it all together. Besides, why risk looking like a fool? I just can’t do it!

A Writer

Those objections aside, the inspiration to “play 20” moved me to try creative writing. I joined a writing group led by a writing coach and I began writing stories. After composing about 100 one or two-page stories in a year’s time, I realized I had the makings of a personal memoir. A year later, I published 80 of those stories as a book. Within two years I had become the creative writer I had dreamed of being. People I didn’t know would meet me on the street and say “you’re the writer, aren’t you?” At first, I hesitated, being accustomed to identifying myself as the leadership coach and university professor that I had been for most of my life. But yes! I write every day – that makes me a writer!

A Painter

Painting interested me too. A local artist taught me the basics of painting with acrylics. That made me aware that to paint well I needed to learn the basics of drawing. I taught myself with drawing lessons on the Internet. Within a year, people were admiring (and even buying) my art. I had become an artist!

For me, to “play 20” is about courageously taking on new learning despite the usual deprecating self-talk that paralyzes me as an older adult. “Play 20” is about taking on the beginner’s mind and practicing the behavior of an ambitious 20-year-old learner:

• Pursue new interests and curiosities
• Recognize my ignorance and naivety and accept it as an opportunity to learn
• Connect with teachers and other learners
• Utilize the internet for classes and other resources
• Recognize the need for feedback and seek it non-defensively
• Maintain a can-do attitude.

Inspired

Practicing these behaviors as an elder was not easy for me, but being an elder had many advantages. For instance, I was drawing not because I had to, but because I was inspired to create beautiful art.  I completed lessons on the Internet without having to pass a test or worry about a grade. I didn’t even have to be ashamed, because I easily accepted that I had never drawn and knew nothing about drawing. I simply had to accept my ignorance and open myself to an exciting venture. I didn’t have to prove myself like I did when I was 20. Except once when a prospective art instructor asked to see my drawing samples. At that moment, I did have to demonstrate my talent to him. But not to worry. I was a volunteer learner and I knew I could find another instructor if need be. My only concern was to find the right instructor for the particular next steps I needed to take. I wasn’t studying for a degree or under pressure to get my next job. I just wanted to become an artist with skill.

Tempering ego and assuming the beginner’s mind continue to benefit me in many ways.  Perhaps the Spanish word that is sometimes used for “retirement” says it all: jubilación, “jubilation” in English.  I am jubilado not only because I am retired but also because I can take joy in new learning that brings me new skills, insight, beauty, growth, new relationships, and new identities.

So, why should becoming a writer or artist (or whatever I want to become) be any more impossible now than at 20? Why not “Play 20”?

* Adapted text excerpted from Play 20: A Collection of Essays and Drawings by Maurice L. Monette posted on his memoir blog, justplay20.com. Each of the 20 essays in the Play 20 collection describes a joy or challenge of his own Play 20 journey, provides samples of his art, and includes lessons he learned about learning as an older adult. With Play 20, Monette offers to one of the most vulnerable populations impacted by COVID-19, the home-bound, and seniors in our community, a way to look ahead, to learn, to recreate, and to Play 20.

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I plateaued for about six months but now had some hope. I had always perceived myself as “cool under pressure” and felt that most things weren’t worth getting upset about. I could not have more wrong. What I was highly skilled at was suppressing anger. It exploded and I did not process it well.

I first had to admit that I had a lot of anger, but since “I was right”, I didn’t perceive it was a problem. So, I wasn’t progressing much and my life continued to disintegrate. Over about six months, I was finally able to learn some basic anger concepts and skills and began to rebuild my existence. What I did not expect is that my all of my physical symptoms began to improve and six months later, they had all but disappeared. I was shocked and still did not understand the role of sustained anger and elevated stress hormones/ cytokines causing inflammation.

From reactive to creative

Many people get to this spot of a dramatic turnaround and stop the journey, which is fine. They are excited, as am I, and they usually continue to do well. However, I also think that they have missed the best part. Instead of having to fight your way out of The Abyss, you have the opportunity to further connect to who you are, move forward from your center in a powerful way, and experience life at a level you never knew was possible. That is what this phase, Expanding Your Horizon is about.

The healing journey is based on connecting to your own capacity to heal, learning tools to optimize your body’s chemistry, feeling safe, and then creating the life that you want. As you move towards your idea of what you want your life to look like, you’ll be shifting off the pain circuits and nurturing ones that bring you pleasure and satisfaction. As you move into regaining your life perspective, connecting with your passions, play, and giving back, you’ll be spending much less time reinforcing your pain circuits and thrive.

Here are the areas to address that will enable you to experience the best part of your journey:

• Sleep – still the cornerstone
• Effectively processing stress – Life never stops coming at us
• Physical conditioning – is simply one of the best ways to feel better
• Medication management – a thoughtful approach will simplify this aspect of your care.
• Life outlook – is one of the most critical aspects of your journey. You have to know where you want to go to get there. How you do it is also important.
• A deeper understanding of chronic pain – will allow you to be innovative in dealing with it and allow you to have more control of your care.
• Family dynamics – turned out to be maybe the most powerful force in holding people back, but when addressed with a structured approach was remarkably helpful in healing – for the patient and the whole family.

Moving forward

Addressing sleep was the first step in the evolution of the DOC process. Twenty years ago, only a small percent of physicians dealt with sleep issues. I took an aggressive approach and would begin with “sleep hygiene” measures. But if a patient wasn’t responding within a couple of weeks, I would use combinations of sleep medications. Most people would respond within six to eight weeks. A significant percent of patients experienced a dramatic improvement in their pain. It wasn’t until years later, that I read a major paper showing that lack of sleep could induce chronic pain. (2) Unfortunately, it is still common to have major risky interventions done or recommended before sleep is addressed.

Processing stress became inherent in my practice as I worked with patients dealing with the problems created by being in chronic pain. I had experienced a lot of benefit with the book, Feeling Good, as I mentioned above and I had my patients use it. I quickly noticed that the only ones who responded were those who did the recommended writing. Other stress management approaches emerged over time. I eventually learned that stress is not the problem, as much as your reaction to it.

Addressing Physical Factors is basic to musculoskeletal care.

• Physical therapy must be tailored to a patient’s specific needs.
• Aerobic conditioning has long been documented to improve pain.
• Weight training not only increases strength but also stimulates the release of hormones that enhance your sense of well-being. It also seems to have a neurological component in that you are on the offensive, taking charge instead of being at the mercy of your pain.
• Nutrition is critical. For example, an anti-inflammatory diet can quickly lower your pain. Intermittent fasting consistently lowers inflammation.
• Bone health – osteoporosis (low bone density) creates havoc with the quality of your life and is both preventable and treatable.

Medication management is critical. You need symptomatic relief to give you “the space” to learn and implement the tools to heal. They will become much less important as your pain resolves and no one really wants to be dependent on medications. They are expensive and a hassle.

My approach was the reverse of what is usually done. I would keep patients on the same medications, including narcotics. Medication discussions were always face-to-face. Although, the goal was to wean down, the patient always had the last say regarding how quickly this would occur. Anxiety is the pain and going to war over medications is counter-productive. With the patient in charge, he or she had control (an antidote to anxiety) and I rarely had a problem with patients coming off of their meds. In fact, as the pain dropped, the side effects increased and they were anxious to stop taking them. The only criteria I required was that they had to be actively engaged in the other aspects of the structured care approach.

Life outlook is one the most important aspects of healing. Goal setting is a core aspect of stimulating neuroplasticity. Your brain will develop wherever you place your attention. It is similar to learning a new language. You have to decide what you want your life to look like, what you want in it, and then pursue it. Otherwise you are still focused on the problem and not the solution. A corollary aspect of this is forgiveness. You can’t move forward until you can let go.

Awareness of the nature of chronic pain is important because it is so complex and each individual is unique. The traditional approach is to manage it, not solve it. Random simplistic treatments are used to treat symptoms and not address the core problem of a fired up nervous system and sustained exposure to elevated stress chemicals. The DOC process is a framework that allows you break down pain as it relates to you into its components. It allows you to address all of them simultaneously. It is this multi-pronged approach that is what is so effective in successfully treating chronic pain.

The final component regarding family dynamics came about over the last few years of my practice in Seattle. We had known that chronic pain takes a terrible toll on the family. It became clear that a patient could engage in many aspects of the DOC process but the family dynamics would sabotage everything. Conversely, by addressing the family interactions around pain, patients would often experience powerful healing. We began to set up rules around pain in the household. The basic one was that the patient could not discuss their pain with anyone – ever – especially with their family. The corollary was no complaining, giving unasked-for advice, or criticizing. Basically – be nice.

From reactive to creative

Don’t stop now when you are really just beginning. It is a triumph to be out of The Abyss, but there is much more to life than just surviving. Most people have been fighting the pain for so long that they have forgotten what it is like to relax and enjoy it.

If you take the word, reactive and move the “c” to the front, you have the word creative. If you can “c” first, you have some space to look at your options and create your reality.

1. Burns D. Feeling Good. Avon Books, New York, 1999.
2. Agmon M and G Armon. “Increased insomnia symptoms predict the onset of back pain among employed adults.” PLOS One (2014); 8: e103591. pp 1-7.

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Florence, Italy, 2013

On vacation

We all intellectually know that life is short and somehow we spend a lot of energy avoiding that thought. I was reminded of the frailty of life this week while vacationing in Florence, Italy.

Many of the cobblestone streets are narrow and the sidewalks even narrower. It is also quite crowded. There is a constant negotiating for sidewalk space with other people going with or against you. At the same time I am trying to relax by enjoying the sights. There is some risk to this combination of forces.

The bus

I was standing just behind my wife looking into a shop window. There were people milling both in front and back of me. We were on one of the more narrow streets when suddenly I felt something touch my hair that felt like a light breeze. Then I heard a horn. I looked up and a local bus had passed me traveling around 25 mph. The mirror of the bus was about five feet off of the ground. With the road being so narrow a portion of the mirror was overhanging the sidewalk about a foot when it passed me. It was traveling so fast that it was 20 feet past me before the driver was able to hit the horn and I could look up. I was within a quarter of an inch of my head being slammed to the ground. The good news is that it would have been quick.

I was relating the story to our incredibly gracious Florentine host who wasn’t surprised. “I had a friend of mine was killed in London about 30 years ago after his head was struck by a passing bus mirror.” Then I was talking to another one of our American friends who has lived in Florence since 1979. She told me that it happens frequently, and she has been wary of the possibility since had moved here. Then my son remembered that he had a classmate who was killed at age 18 in London after being hit by a passing bus mirror. None of these stories were reassuring.

On life #6

This incident was my fifth significant close encounter with dying with this one being particularly intense. Being comfortable with death is a skill I am not inclined to learn, although the philosophers point out it’s a necessary part of truly living. The response it fosters in me is gratitude. I have long realized that life is one day (moment) at time and that I am incredibly fortunate in many realms. The first one being that a “bad day” is much better than not having a day at all. I also live in a free country with food on my table and a shelter over my head. We have comforts and opportunities that have never existed in the human experience.

Another benefit, that I never expected was the gift of suffering. I never understood how extreme the experience of being crippled by anxiety and other physical symptoms could be and each patient in pain takes me back to some part of my journey in the Abyss. I came out of it one millimeter at a time. I am incredibly grateful to be able to share my insights with others. Watching them thrive has been rewarding, inspiring and humbling. The capacity of a given person to heal is almost infinite and I am one example.

The Denial of Death

Ernest Becker wrote a famous book, The Denial of Death. His premise that he elaborates on in multiple ways is that the fear of death drives most of human behavior. I agree that avoiding anxiety is the main driving force in that the human body’s primary role is survival and then procreation. Homo sapiens that didn’t pay attention to the environmental cues simply didn’t survive. The current human race represents “survival of the most anxious” and it’s effective. Worrying about death is unique to humans because we have consciousness and it’s the ultimate fear. However, it is just one of an infinite number of other things to be anxious about. But spending your time worrying, including about the inevitable, then it’s much harder to enjoy the gift of life you have been given today. Deeply accepting death is a major step in truly living. Learning to live with anxiety is another one.

Constantly thinking about how to solve your chronic mental and physical pain is, I think, almost a worse situation than worrying about dying. You are living a life that is steeped with misery, being bounced around, not believed, labeled and there doesn’t seem to be any hope of escape. I will never forget reading Viktor Frank’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, in which he describes his experience in a WWII concentration camp from a psychiatrist’s perspective. He was able to somehow accept his fate while in the camps. What caught my attention was that he felt that the worst part of the ordeal, in spite of extreme physical suffering, was wondering if and when it would end. The effect of chronic pain has been documented to have a similar impact on a person’s life as terminal cancer. (1)

The paradox

The solution to chronic pain is a paradox. It is important to understand the neuroplastic properties of the brain. Your brain changes structure every millisecond by forming new connections, supporting cells, neurons, etc. It will develop in whatever direction you choose. If you spend your time looking for a solution for your pain or constantly discussing it, you are only reinforcing it. If you choose to move forward with or without your pain, paradoxically you can leave it behind. Remaining anxious about things beyond your control will suck your life energy right out of you. Dealing with your inevitable end is an opportunity to accept, process it and move forward.

A brush with death also reminds me that the goal of The DOC Journey is to enjoy the day that you’re are in. There is a tendency to look at this process as a stepwise formula with the goal being the end of pain and suffering. That’s the opposite of what actually happens. The “goal ” is to get happy first regardless of your circumstances, including the pain. You’ll then have the energy and passion to move through your mental and physical pain and create the life you desire. The ring of fire

Enjoy your day today

1. Fredheim OM, Kaasa S, Fayers P, Saltnes T, Jordhøy M, Bortchgrevink PC. Chronic non-malignant pain patients report as poor health-related quality of life as palliative cancer patients. Acta Anaesthesiol Scand. 2008;52(1):143-148. 

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To master a new language requires a focused commitment for an extended period of time. Say you wanted to become fluent in French. It would take years of reading books, attending classes, listening to audio tapes and probably immersing yourself in the culture for a period of time. Eventually, a new part of your brain would develop that enables you to speak French. This is possible because of the brain’s capacity to change by increasing the number of neurons and connections between them, laying down an insulating material call myelin, and changes occurring in the glial cells, which are the supporting cells of the central nervous system. This process is called, “neuroplasticity” and your brain changes every second. (1)

“Not speaking English”

You can’t learn French by “not speaking English” or trying to improve it. Of course not. What a ridiculous idea!  But what about trying to solve chronic pain by focusing on “not being in pain”? Where’s your attention? What is being reinforced? Your brain will develop wherever you place your attention. By constantly (and understandably) seeking a cure or discussing your pain with those around you, you’re reinforcing the pain circuits. As they become more deeply embedded in your nervous system, you’ll use the creative part of your brain less and the research shows that the brain physically shrinks in the presence of unrelenting pain. Fortunately, it re-expands when you have healed. (2)

“What you resist will persist”

One of the core neuroscience-based concepts of solving chronic pain revolves around the current definition that it “…….is an embedded memory that becomes connected to more and more life experiences, and the memory can’t be erased.” (3) Once you’ve developed chronic pain, the pathways are permanent. The more you fight them, the stronger they’ll become. Discussing or pursuing a cure can be compared to putting your hand right into a hornet’s nest. So, what do you do?

What is counter-productive are practices that keep your pain in the forefront. (trying to learn French while focused on the problems with your English)

• Endless quest for a cure – I spent years being an “epiphany addict”.
• Frequently discussing your pain or medical care. That wouldn’t count as quality time with those close to you.
• Complaining
• Gossiping
• Not being willing to learn new ideas or being open to change

“An enjoyable life”

What you can do is to learn a new language, which is “an enjoyable life”. Since anxiety and anger are basic survival responses, that’s where your brain is programmed to go as the default mode. These automatic responses become stronger with age and repetition. To train your brain differently requires a deliberate long-term focused effort.

The first step in any new endeavor is to create a vision of where you want to go? What do you want your life to look like? Do you want to live in this state of affairs indefinitely? You can’t accomplish anything of significance until you know what it looks like and internalize it.

What you’re doing by creating and pursuing what you want is developing a new nervous system within your existing one. It’s like putting a virtual computer on your desktop. As you continue to work on learning the language of “an enjoyable life”, you’ll be paying less attention to the pain circuits and they will atrophy from disuse. At some tipping point your pain and anxiety will diminish dramatically – but not by trying to make it drop. It’s similar to re-directing a river into a different channel. It will be slow at first but as the flow of water is diverted, the force of the water will help create the new channel.

Learning the language

It’s highly doable and the idea is to utilize tools that stimulate your brain to change. The strategies include:

• Reconnecting with the best part of who you are
• Re-learning how to play
• Somatic work – connecting thoughts with physical sensations
  • Expressive writing
• Active meditation – placing your attention on a different sensation
• Re-engaging with familiar art, hobbies, music, dance, sports, etc.
• Spending quality time with family and friends (53% of Americans are socially isolated)
• Forgiveness – you can’t move forward while you’re hanging on to the past
• Giving back – there are an endless number of possibilities
• Listening – it’s more interesting than re-hashing current your own views on life
• Creating your vision in detail of how you want your life to look
• Getting organized so as to be able to execute your vision

This Simon Sinek video, The Infinite Game, is brilliant as he outlines true leadership in by pursuing a vision instead of comparing your efforts with the competition. It only detracts from your quest. At a personal level, as you spend time monitoring your own progress versus pursuing the life you want, you will less effective.

Creating a family vision

We have had a wonderful experience over the last couple of years, as we have realized the power of re-directing the brain as a family. One of the early assignments we give our families is to spend an hour remembering when life was the most fun. Why are you together? What attracted you to each other in the first place? What experiences were remarkably enjoyable? Remember these events in as much detail as possible? Connecting to the part of your brain that knows how to play is one of the first steps of developing this new part of your nervous system. You might notice that as you talk about these wonderful events, that you’re more relaxed, and your mood will shift.

What is a little disturbing, is that chronic pain often takes such a toll on the family that couples have a hard time dropping their guard enough to get into this mind set. There is a lot of anger and frustration connected to endless suffering. It’s more than understandable and persistence pays. After you have reminisced about the good times, the next step is to begin discussing how to bring that energy back into your relationship and family.

Moving forward

This exercise is combined with the “prescription” that you will never discuss your pain with anyone but your health care providers – ever. Discussing your pain is the most effective way to keep your attention on it, and it’s almost impossible to move forward. On the second visit, patients are usually excited about the shift in their relationships and the family is visibly relieved to not being subjected to endless conversations about pain and creativity quickly returns. Family dynamics may be the strongest factor keeping people in pain, but also is a powerful force pulling people out of it.

We all know how to survive, by definition, since we’re still alive. We become more adept with age, but we often lose the skill of thriving. Creating this alternate nervous system demands a deliberate effort. It’s the essence of solving your pain.

Listen to the Back in Control Radio podcast Learn Another Language – “An Enjoyable Life”

1. Feldman Barrett, Lisa. How Emotions are Made. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, NY, NY, 2017.
2. Seminowicz DA, et al. “Effective treatment of chronic low back pain in humans reverses abnormal brain anatomy and function.” The Journal of Neurosci­ence (2011); 31: 7540-7550.
3. Baliki MN and A Vania Apkarian. “Nociception, pain, negative moods, and behavior selection.” Neuron (2015); 87: 474-491.

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The post Learn Another Language – “An Enjoyable Life” appeared first on Back in Control.

Consider the following:

Thoughts are the mental link to the environment that allows you to assess your situation second by second in order to make choices that allow you to first survive and then thrive. If our thoughts are pleasant our bodies will secrete chemicals such as oxytocin, growth hormone and dopamine that create a sense of relaxation and well-being.

Conversely, if you feel stressed then your thoughts will create a chemical environment consisting of adrenaline, cortisol and other hormones that create a sense of insecurity and dread. You will be motivated to control you or the situation to alleviate these feelings of anxiety. If you cannot escape or solve it, you will feel trapped and angry. If you are in a constant hyper-vigilant state, then your body will be continually on overdrive. It is like driving your car 70 mph down the freeway in second or third gear. It will break down much sooner than if you were in 5th gear and cruising.  Anxiety, Anger and Adrenaline

I am aware that life is not easy. Very few people can live their lives on “cruise.” Additionally, avoiding stress also becomes its own stress. You cannot run from your thoughts, which can torment you regardless of your environment. In fact, when I was in the most severe period of my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) my mental distress was worse when I was less busy. OCD, BTW, is manifested by intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. Some day I will write about my battle with it in more detail but the only metaphor I can use to describe the experience is “having a hot branding iron on my brain”. The misery being in that hell of unrelenting anxiety is indescribable. OCD is no fun and not funny – extreme mental pain

Control

One of the main antidotes to anxiety is control. When you lose control your body will kick in more adrenaline to physically help you solve the problem. For example, if you were physically fighting someone for food to feed your family, the adrenaline boost would up your odds of winning. Unfortunately, just thoughts of danger can create the same chemical response even when there is no physical threat. Now you are in trouble because you have no way of physically solving the problem and there is not an endpoint.

Neurophysiologic Disorder (NPD)

There are many terms to describe the physical consequences of sustained levels of stress chemicals in your body. Some of them include Mind Body Syndrome (MBS), Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS), Central Sensitization Syndrome (CSS), and Stress Illness Disorder. The term I have chosen is “Neurophysiologic Disorder” (NPD). Your thoughts are the neurologic input to your nervous system that creates a physiological response. We are programmed to gravitate towards the reward chemicals and avoid the stress ones. Within a pretty wide range we are able to conduct our lives in a functional and enjoyable manner – except when we can’t. There are solutions to the problem, which are the focus of my book. However, consider the effects of not addressing it.

These next few paragraphs were part of a proposal to address the effects of high ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) scores beginning in elementary school that are directly linked to your responses to stress.  Aced Out

Effects of Untreated NPD and Anxiety

There are several ways that untreated Neurophysiologic Disorder (NPD) manifests itself. Remember that the main focus of the school project is to deal with the lifelong impact of adverse childhood events. The worse the ACE load, the higher will be the anxiety a child brings into the classroom. The devastating impact on mental and physical health of a high ACE score is well documented. This does not even take into account the power struggle that occurs amongst these students to deal with unrelenting anxiety. Bullying, at the moment, is not even counted in the ACE score.

First, NPD can directly cause over 33 different physical symptoms. Medicine is focused on treating symptoms instead of the root cause of a fired up nervous system. Many of these conditions will begin in childhood, such as migraine headaches, insomnia, anxiety, eating disorders, stomach pain, etc. My Battle with NPD

Second, anxiety is the result of sensory input also that drives anger. One common cause of anger is loss of control. When you lose your ability to control your anxiety the anger will become intense. Anger is always destructive, including self-destructive. Although it may not become manifested during school years, it eventually results in complete disregard for personal health. This is an addition to the symptoms directly caused by the MBS. My observation is that complete neglect of your health is akin to a “slow suicide.”

Third, anger is abusive. Chronic pain creates and indescribable depth of frustration. When you are angry, it is all about you. It is a survival response and you lose awareness of the needs around you. Lack of awareness is the essence of abuse. Families of patients in chronic pain become the targets of this deep anger, and hence the cycle of adverse childhood events continues. There is a high chance that these children will act out their frustrations at school. Also, their parents have modeled anger as the normal way of dealing with adversity. Pain = anger = abuse

Unrelenting anxiety/anger cause profound physical effects on your body. Another week I will present the data regarding mental health and life span. It is not a pretty picture.

Your Unconscious Brain

I am aware that no one intellectually wants to be sick or unhealthy. The solution lies in addressing pre-programmed behavioral patterns that are part of the unconscious brain. The unconscious brain is much more powerful than the conscious brain. Your conscious brain energies manifesting as “good intentions” or “will power” have no chance of solving the problem. You must utilize strategies that stimulate your brain to rewire. You cannot “fix” yourself because your attention is still on you. Solving the Unsolvable

The DOC project is a framework intended for you to organize your thinking in a manner to connect with your own body’s capacity to heal. Your unconscious brain will resist this process to the max. Just sit down with Stage 1 on this website and start the therapeutic writing as described in Step 2. Your brain will begin to change and you will be able to move forward.

So my feeling is the mental health is the highest priority. Your body’s chemistry is optimized, you are able to enjoy your life with your family and friends, and your capacity and motivation to care for your health will be higher.

Why are New Year’s resolutions so hard to keep?

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