One is that going back into The Abyss is inevitable and part of life. The key is to learn to use the tools more skillfully to come back out of it. The second point is that none of us really have the luxury of remaining angry without significant mental or physical consequences. Your body’s physiology is on overdrive and people get sick.

I was aware of this possibility when he first began to deal with the situation with his neighbor. I even warned him about it. Even though he intellectually knew anger was a problem, it is a powerful force that pulled him in. He not only became ill, but seriously so. None of us have the luxury of remaining angry without paying a price. Interestingly, effectively processing anger ALWAYS is the gateway to true healing and that is also part of this story.

Tom’s latest encounter with anger

I lived more than 22 years in debilitating chronic pain. I lost my business and seriously damaged many relationships. Having had 28 surgeries including 7 spinal operations, my medical history includes 3 heart attacks, opioid addiction, and a suicide attempt. I was trapped in the hell of the abyss for a third of my life. Since discovering Dr. Hanscom’s book “Back in Control” several years ago I have been free from chronic pain. Now at age 67, I have survived and am thriving.

This past winter I became very stressed and angry at my neighbor lasting a few months. He notified me  that he planned to cut down the cedar trees surrounding my front yard sanctuary, I was furious. My cobblestone courtyard, complete with a triple waterfall was ringed by towering evergreen cedars and my covered front porch. It was green, quiet, and very private. I loved it as my place for meditation and relaxation. My rocking chair was my perch as I watched the hummingbirds zip around my hanging baskets and frolic in my fountain. The sound of the waterfalls is music to my ears. My neighbor made me so upset for what he’d done to me, as I became a victim! I went indoors to the basement and literally screamed. I allowed myself to remain angry; incensed, for 3 months. It made me sick.

The symptoms begin

Soon after finding out that the demise of my sanctuary was imminent, my right eye started to constantly tear up resulting in tears streaming down my face. Being very upset, I’m sure my emotional state caused the tears to stream.  The tear duct clogged up which resulted in me needing surgery, which included the surgeon accidently burning the inside of my nose due to a surgical error. After the first surgery they “…went back in there…” a second time. The pain was indescribable, some of the worst I’ve ever experienced. I HATE the term “going back in there”. Twenty years ago, my neurosurgeon went “back in there” 3 times. It didn’t help.

The demolition date for the trees was set, and my sanctuary was decimated on the morning of my 67^th birthday. My green amphitheater was gone in a matter of hours along with my sanctuary and privacy. The neighbor’s house  towered over my courtyard with an unimpeded view of my yard and porch. I implored him to buy tall replacement plants to restore some of my privacy, but he said, “I don’t care…that’s your problem”. I talked him into allowing me to buy  the replacements. He chipped in all of $200 towards my $2,500 cost to plant his plants in his yard. My anger escalated. The sanctuary should by restored in about 10 years. Meanwhile I’m building a replacement sanctuary in the backyard.

More problems

Just as I was healing from the complications of my eye surgery, I woke one night in a lot of pain. As I sat up, I was overcome with pain in my right flank. I laid back down desperately trying to determine what was happening. I writhed in pain the rest of the night refusing to admit I was in trouble and telling my wife I was hurting. By the time I decided I needed to get to the hospital I could no longer sit up as the pain was too intense. My wife called 911.

My anxiety level skyrocketed. I was frightened by the duration and intensity of the pain.  A CT scan revealed a blockage in my right renal artery. The doctor said it was like the kidney had a heart attack (infarction). My right kidney was damaged, and its function was reduced by about 50%. They medicated and admitted me to the hospital.

Now COVID–and The Abyss

The nurse woke me at 2:30AM and said, “Sir, please wake up, you aren’t going to like what I have to tell you.” She was right, I didn’t like it when she told me my hospital roommate had Covid-19. He was an elderly man with serious respiratory distress. He had been coughing and hacking for the past 2 hours with no mask and the door closed. I bolted from the room and was quarantined for the remainder of my four-day hospital stay. No visitors allowed.

I was already on edge worried about producing another clot and having another stroke before the Covid-19 exposure. With the news that I’d been exposed, I went over the edge and quickly descended to the bottom of the abyss. I couldn’t talk or think straight. Everything around me went dark as I was in dire pain both emotionally and physically. With my comorbidities including COPD, congestive heart failure, and a prior stroke I was at high risk for succumbing to the virus. I thought I may die from the kidney blood clot and/or the virus exposure. My anxiety level was off the charts.

There was no social interaction for the next 4 days. Staff came in daily in “moon suits”. I couldn’t see anyone I knew during my 4 day stay. When discharged, I was quarantined at home until I tested negative; 10 long days after my exposure.

Clenched teeth–the descent continues

The day I was admitted to the hospital was the same day that I was set to have oral surgery. A week before the kidney problem appeared, I had broken and/or damaged my lower 4 lower front teeth. While chewing, I clamped down too hard and the front teeth landed behind the lower teeth breaking  them. I was crushing my food as my jaw was set and tense still manifesting the anger since I was not ready to let it go. It cost $10,000 for dental repairs because I was stubbornly holding onto my anger rather than processing it and letting it go. 

 It became  obvious to me that I was triggered by the neighbor and was profoundly angry and resentful of what he had done to ME (the victim). Whenever I thought about or saw my neighbor, I’d have a real bad reaction.

There were 3 major health events within 100 days of my neighbor announcing that he was going to remove the trees that guarded my sanctuary. #1) required one surgery and two intensely painful “procedures”. #2) I broke my teeth by biting down too hard. #3) I had the renal artery infarction of the right kidney.

Moving on

How did I go from lounging in the green circle in my sanctuary to being in the red circle back in the pit of darkness and despair? By failing to address and process my anger I caused myself  to be sick. I knew how to calm myself through meditation, processing anger and climb out of the pit. Finally, I flipped the switch on my anger toward the neighbor and subsequently let the whole problem go. I’m building a new refuge and I’m back to greeting my neighbor. The eye healed completely, the teeth were replaced, and the kidney suffered some damage but is now stable. The most important consequence from this incident was me having to consciously decide that I was not going to be the victim and that I need to maintain my “practice” of the DOC Journey’s main tenets. Meditate and relax your nervous system. Refuse to discuss your pain problem with others, and always process your anger expeditiously.

My new life

Having been on The DOC Journey for 7 years, I’ve NEVER felt better in my life. My chronic pain is gone; my anxiety is under control. Over the 20+ years while in the abyss my anxiety was so high the future terrified me.  The pain haunted and tormented me. Now I eagerly look forward to today with, awareness, renewed energy, and a pain free existence. My reaction to what was previously unending pain was living an angry, sedentary, reclusive, and psychologically paralyzed life. I’m now very active walking, swimming, and practicing yoga daily. I no longer perseverate about problems and issues over which I have no control. The physical activity promotes awareness, positive thoughts and the never ending “chatter” in our minds. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been in my lifetime. I’ve learned when and how to “flip the switch”.

The consequences of anger

I have learned a lot about anger from observing hundreds of patients navigate it or not and from my own journey out of chronic pain. There are no shortcuts. If you decide to remain angry, you are choosing to hold onto your pain. What makes this challenging is that anger is powerful, it protects you from feeling vulnerable. Additionally, the more legitimate your anger, the harder it is to let go. Tom certainly had a lot of legitimate reasons to remain angry.

Anger is so powerful, no one ever wants to really give it up. I have used a term, “flip the switch.” You just have to decide to move on. Life is never fair and other wrongs will continue to be done to you. If you continue to hold onto them, it becomes a heavy load. It also compromises your immune system and you’ll have a significant chance of becoming ill. Tom’s story is a classic example.

Processing anger is a learned skill set that will allow you to live the life you choose on your own terms. Tom continues to be a major inspiration for me.

Addendum

I’m trying to adjust to this feeling of well-being. I’m so relieved to not be in pain anymore that I could shout it from the rooftop. One thing we need to pay attention to is the “why”. Why me and not so many others?  But also, what traits, characteristics or beliefs do I and others share that have successfully made the transition from chronic pain to a pain free existence? That question hangs in my head daily.

Best. Tom

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Roadmap to a solution

What are the clues? Over 90% of people who have died of COVID-19 have some other chronic medical condition(s) (1). The common perception is that in this scenario, the body simply gets overwhelmed. The pre-existing situation is unsolvable and the outcome is inevitable. This idea could not be farther from the truth.

All these chronic conditions are associated with elevated inflammatory markers from the body responding to threats. A major aspect of this response is the immune system. Mental threats are more problematic than physical threats in that you cannot escape disturbing thoughts and emotions and repressing them is even worse. Therefore, every human being is exposed to some level of elevated stress hormones and inflammation. Many people have learned to process threat in way that causes little damage. However, many, if not most of us, have not been taught these skills and therefore are  exposed to elevated levels of inflammatory cells. It is the essence of chronic disease.

The following chronic diseases are all connected to sustained inflammatory and metabolic destruction of tissues: cardiovascular disease, peripheral vascular disease, Parkinson’s disease, autoimmune disorders, obesity, adult-onset diabetes, anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and bipolar disorder. It is all the same process with different clinical manifestations and many people suffer from multiple different ones.

Plan A–Lowering Inflammation Lengthens Life

This document, Plan A, presents 12 categories of interventions that will lower your levels of inflammation. If most severe cases of COVID are connected with chronic medical conditions, then address them. By starting with lower levels of inflammation, there is a better chance of staying below the critical threshold where the inflammatory process spins out of control, there is diffuse damage to many different organs, and your lungs fill up with fluid. There are now multiple professionals advocating a similar approach. One group looked at it from using preventative medications, but it can be achieved with these other means.

Getting and being happy is a learned skill and it is well-documented that those who learn it live longer with a better quality of life. Dealing with COVID-19 requires the same approach as dealing with chronic disease–lower threat and inflammation and create safety. Obviously, it all occurs at a much faster rate with COVID.

Join us in this grass roots movement

Please circulate Plan A to as many of your friends, family, and colleagues as possible and also encourage them to pass it along to their circles. This plan was assembled by a group of physicians and scientists who feel strongly that this approach will have an impact in lowering the severity of this deadly disease. It also represents a template for the future of healthcare moving from an illness to a wellness model. It boils down to means of creating safety instead of being at the mercy of threats. Most chronic mental and physical disease is preventable and some if it even reversible. This booklet represents a major effort to change both the trajectory of COVID–19 pandemic and also the manner in which we approach health care and chronic disease.

There is another aspect of all of this to consider. Inherent in this approach is each person taking full responsibility for his or her role in their health. It is easy to look at others or society for solutions when they truly exist only in each one of us. It is possible with a collective effort of taking personal responsibility for every aspect of our lives, we can change the course of this relentless pandemic, the nature of health care, and create societal changes that will enhance the quality of our lives and those of future generations. We each have to take action, as the burden of chronic disease is crushing us. (2)

Seeing such clear relationship between chronic stress and disease, both in my clinics and in the literature is what finally persuaded me to quit my practice. The DOC Journey is the most recent evolution of the healing process. It has been inspiring and energizing to continue to see people without hope consistently connect to their own capacity to heal.

Plan A – Lowering Inflammation, Lengthening Life

References:

1.   Williamson EL, et al. OpenSafely: factors associated with COVID-19 death in 17 million patients. Nature (2020); https://doi.org/10.1038/s41586-020-2521-4.
2. O’Neill Hayes, Tara and Serena Gillian. Chronic disease in the United States: A worsening health and economic crisis. Americanactionforum.org; September 10th, 2020.

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• A guided course of seven legs and rest stops
• Video tutuorials
• Webinars
• Weekly group Q&A sessions
• Weekly blogs and podcasts
• Access to having questions answered
• An app based on our workshops – awareness, hope, forgiveness, and play

This post is the introduction to the final rest stop of the guided journey. We are excited in that it represents a much clearer sequence of concepts and there is more clarity as to what are next steps. One of the most powerful aspects of The DOC Journey is the sequencing. You are dealing with deep patterns in the unconscious brain and it takes awareness and repetition to access and redirect them. But the core of it all is much clearer and has been easier to present and explain to people. With engagement, the outcomes have been consistent with the main variable being how much time it takes.

Introduction to rest stop seven

Your Journey has not ended but it has just begun. You began from a place that was dark and you are working your way into the light or maybe you are already there. People often get frustrated because they don’t feel they are healing quickly enough or wonder why others seem to be doing so much better than they are. There is no time frame or rush. Everyone is different and each of us has experienced more than our share of suffering. There are no exceptions. It is important to keep learning and using your tools that allow your brain/body to heal. The key words are patience and persistence.

Remember the deep paradox of this journey. You are letting go to move forward in contrast to our strong inclination to keep fixing ourselves and those close to us.

Thrive

Many people feel better after a few months. They are no longer in a crisis, their pain has improved, and they stop. They usually continue to stick with some basic strategies and do fine. But my observation is that they are missing a huge opportunity to thrive. Once you break free of The Abyss, your potential to move forward is unlimited. The more you nurture this opportunity to grow, the farther you’ll be away from your pain circuits. The concepts of play, giving back, and the spiritual journey are not tools to combat anxiety and pain. That turns into obsessive behavior and little is accomplished. They are more about expanding your life and horizon into the life you always wanted. There are several aspects to creating this capacity to navigate and fully experience every aspect of your circle of life.

• The foundation is awareness combined with the circle of life, which includes “the ring of fire.” Being aware of which part of the circle you are in is a powerful approach. You now have a choice of using your tools to change direction or stay where you are.
• The goal of using the ring of fire model is not to attempt to be in one particular part of it. It is a common perception to feel that most of your life should be spent in the center. That is not life or realistic. Being aware of when you are in the center is the key and knowing when you need to enter it to “re-fuel.” It is the foundation for passing through the ring of fire and engaging in your life activities in the blue ring.
• There are several important concepts to consider.
  • You should nurture and expand the center. The more time you can realistically spend there, the better. It is where your body regenerates.
  • As you learn to develop a “working relationship” with the ring of fire, it will paradoxically be less daunting and easier to navigate.
  • The blue periphery is life and there never was a limit to it. We create our own limitations.

 Your new home

This final rest stop is a framework for settling into your new life and continue to practice the tools that will help you indefinitely. We will conceptualize this stop as where you are building your new home.

• The green center is your lot and it is round. It provides the foundation for your house and you can landscape it to your heart’s content. This is done by using tools that engender self-compassion and you are expanding the center.
• It is important to protect your home and the red ring will do that for you. Anxiety and anger necessary danger signals. You will also be personally arming yourself to defend yourself and your safe haven.
• Each room of your house represents an aspect of your life that you will furnish and decorate.

The phases of the construction include:

• Dreaming of what you want and defining it
• Drawing up final plans
• The rooms
  • Entry – Awareness
  • Family room – Social connections
  • Kitchen – Diet/ Nutrition
  • Bathroom – Processing anxiety/ frustration
  • Master bedroom – Sleep/ Nurturing your closest relationships
  • Other bedrooms – Your family/ guests
  • Den/ office – headquarters
  • Garage – Transportation to the outside world/ your reserves
  • Landscaping – Nurturing and growing the center
  • Protection
    • Alarm system
    • Dog
    • Self-defense
  • Basement–workout room/ exercise

The essence of life is avoiding threat and seeking safety. It is necessary to actively seek both in that you need safety to create the reserves you need to deal with life’s challenges. Otherwise, you’ll be overwhelmed a good percent of the time, with a limited capacity to enjoy your life or even worse, continue to suffer.

You have only just begun

We all equate home with safety, but all too often it is not, especially when chronic pain is in the middle of it. Family members are also our most powerful triggers and it is bidirectional. Creating a “safe house” or haven takes a focused effort but none of the steps are difficult with the right tools. You have heard the saying, “A carpenter is only as good as his/ her tools. You now have the opportunity to create whatever life you want and even though this is the end of this course, you have just begun your journey.

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I am excited to be able to offer her services to you. She has been able to help people out of the Abyss that simply needed some extra support and guidance. Her level and type of expertise is not widely available and one of our projects is teaching other medical professionals these concepts and skills.

She shares an understanding of the depths of misery you can experience when trapped by mental and/or physical pain that has allowed us to help others find their own way out. Here is her story.

How Chronic Pain Saved My Life: From a Fishbowl to the Ocean 

Chronic pain patients usually end up in my office because they feel trapped and out of options. The same reasons are what finally brought me to the table with Dr. Hanscom. At the time I was so anxious I knew I wouldn’t last more than a year if something didn’t change. I had a successful practice as a Somatic Psychotherapist, studying neuroscience and was increasingly devastated that no matter what I did, no matter how much I learned—my anxiety was only getting worse.

What I was surprised to find on this journey with David, is that the pain of my anxiety turned out to be my greatest teacher and opportunity once I finally found the right frameworks, structure, and support.

Just last week, I received a glowing email from a woman who has suffered for two years with debilitating headaches that have taken her out of her life as a well-known surgeon. What lit up her message to me was the freedom in realizing that she had been basing everything off a problematic definition of success her whole life—a logical one rooted in everything she had experienced in a neglectful and cruel household, but not one that allowed for sustainable health, peace, or enjoyment. Although the pain of her headaches have not yet gone away fully, she wrote to me from a place free from suffering.

I am grateful to be able to say that although sometimes my pain flares back up for a few days, I have also been suffering-free for almost 2 years.

In working with clients, I share the belief that we are all born with the innate ability to thrive. However, our access to this innate ability can become blocked over time.

As we grow in the first few years of life, some of our developmental needs are met and others are missed. The blank slate of our nervous system uses the interactions in our early caregiving environment to build a sense of who we are, what we must do to get love (which is the equivalent of safety for us vulnerable baby monkeys), how to have emotions, what we can express, and what to expect from people and the world. These patterns and beliefs passed on to us by our family creates the foundation that determines how our brain unconsciously interprets everything we encounter. In an effort to keep us safe the brain wires primarily on fear and negativity, so privileges those lessons. Our internal worlds can quickly become small and uncomfortable.

It’s similar to being born into the ocean, and unknowingly put into a fishbowl…believing we are still in the ocean. The situation becomes more severe when some of these self-reinforcing fear patterns become like bacteria and algae overgrowing the tank, clouding the water with no good filtration system—things become toxic. We fish are trapped in an environment with no clue it’s the water we are swimming in that’s making us sick because it is all we have ever known. Until one day someone suddenly lifts us out for a moment, and we feel the ocean again.

Chronic pain is an indication of how the levels in our bowl are off—quite literally in terms of our bodies’ stress chemicals connected to the anxiety, anger, and sensitization at its root. Not only is the water “clouded”, every cell in our body is bathed in toxic chemicals. By coming to our pain with an understanding of the ocean and how to get there—the toxicity that forces us out can actually become our greatest hidden gift.

I would have perished in my fishbowl—as I see with clients in my practice every day. Helping others use these tools and strategies to find freedom is an honor and I am inspired by peoples’ capacity to thrive even under the most dire of circumstances.

For more information about my approach or working with me please check out www.KendraBloomTherapy.com. You are welcome to book a coaching session.

The post Back in Control Coaching first appeared on Back in Control.

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