At some tipping point, this becomes the new trajectory of your life. Life’s challenges continue to come at all of us. As life becomes easier to navigate, your body is exposed to less threat (stress) physiology and more to safety. Safety is where fuel moves into cells, and your body regenerates and heals.

The metaphor for this navigated course is the ski slope. No matter what your skill level, you must get down the hill. If the ski run is above your skill level, you may not be only stressed, it can be terrifying. The goal is become an expert at life skills and learn to feel safe a higher percent of the time. Here are the prerequisites.

• Have a working knowledge of The DOC Journey course.
• Understand the natural resistance to change.
• Review the “circle of life” with the “ring of fire.”
• Begin to connect to your vision of what is possible.
• Your healing emanates from feeling safe and creative.
• Constructing your new home (life) is the final focus of the journey. Enjoy!!

Overview

First of all, congratulations for reaching this level. The key to healing is persistence and you have already shown a willingness to fully engage in learning to create and live the life you want. Before you began this journey, that may not have seemed possible. But to be clear, your journey is not about completing a course or believing in David Hanscom. It is about connecting your own capacity to heal. Healing of any part of the body is nothing short of miraculous, but so is the gift of life.

Many people arrive at this point of their journey and they feel better. So, being back to their baseline, they quit. “I am good enough,” and they move on with their life. I think that it is tragic to stop now. Your creative brain is coming alive and the potential for future learning and growth is unlimited. Why would you want to stop?

There are actually a few reasons why this happens so often.

• Humans are programmed by every second of their lives. Our brains unconsciously memorize everything. Familiar patterns are not noticed since not only are they embedded in our brains, but they are our version of reality. Any new or unusual data catches our attention and stimulates some level of threat physiology. We feel anxious and instinctively resist change. So, maybe you are back to a comfortable baseline state. Why would you wish to continue?
• There is a lot of anxiety with success, if you are used to simply trying to survive. When is the shoe going to drop? A classic example is golf. It is remarkably predictable that when you have shot well for three or four holes that your anxiety levels rise. Of course your muscle tension increases, and suddenly it seems like you don’t which end of the club to hold. The same scenario holds true in any performance arena at home, work, or even relaxing.
• Examples are present in every kind of performance. Maybe you have been promoted and have a higher profile in your sphere of influence. More eyes are on you, and many people might jealous of your success. They may look for any opportunity to cut you down. There is a term for this phenomenon called “Tall Poppy Syndrome.” It is easier to just blend in with the crowd.
• Understand that the shoe will always drop. That is life. If your goal is to be in an endless state of bliss, you’ll fail. Life presents an endless number of daily challenges and at some level of stress, your body will respond with threat physiology. Maybe it will last for an hour or even days. It is what your body is supposed to do – protect you. But you now have choices regarding how long you wish to remain there.
• A different problem arises in that now you have tasted what it is like to be in the green center, and you don’t want to leave. Additionally, when you are triggered and in the red, the contrast is sharp and you may get more frustrated about what is possible compared what you are experiencing in the moment. I call this, “the curse of awareness.” What you want to do is nuture emotional flexibilty, be present with whatever state you are in, and move in the direction of your choice.
• I experienced a common scenario in that I had no idea that there were other possibilities about the way I negotiated my life. All I ever knew was anger and chaos. Although, I attended workshops, read self-help books, and underwent extensive counseling. I did not connect with how angry I was until I was 50 years old. It was an incredibly unpleasant experience and I did not have the tools to deal with it. Healing happens with connection – to yourself and then to those around you. Not wanting to experience unpleasant emotions may be a major reason why people don’t engage in this process or pull up short of really moving forward. One of my friends has often quoted the phrase, “you have to feel to heal.”

The ”circle of life” containing the “ring of fire” is the signature tool of this journey. A version of it was created by Dr. Paul Gilbert, who was the founder of compassion-based therapy. Compassion (love) as defined by Anthony DeMello in his book, The Way to Love, is awareness. Anxiety blocks awareness. But as you nurture awareness, you’ll actually feel more anxiety, and it requires tools to tolerate it. This is a bidirectional interaction. So, this final level is focused on not only learning to nurture joy, but also to better tolerate anxiety.

The metaphor is building and decorating a new house. Each room represents an aspect of your life that must be addressed. Use it daily as a quick mental checklist as you go from room to room in your own home. The “lot” is the green center of the circle of life. With repetition, you’ll create the life you want. “To have a good life, you must live a good life.”

Books to read

Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effectiveness

Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible. The Stoic philosopher Epictetus was born on the eastern edges of the Roman Empire in A.D. 55, but The Art of Living is still perfectly suited for any contemporary self-help or recovery program.

The healing journey progresses from “reaCtive to Creative”. You must first see where you are at before you can change direction. You can’t heal by focusing on problems. Healing occurs with creativity and moving away from unpleasant neurological circuits. The wisdom of the Stoics is remarkable in that it is as, or more, relevant as it was 2000 years ago. Regaining a healthy life perspective is the definitive solution to decreasing your suffering.

On the slopes

A world class skier can ski anything humanly possible if the conditions are reasonable. I used to think I was a double black diamond skier until I was exposed to US Ski Team skiers who were far above a level than I ever imagined. They not only possess a high level of skill, but they are supremely confident as a result of putting in thousands of hours of practice.

Many years ago a group of us where on the back side of mountain at Alta Utah. It was a gorgeus day with a lot of new soft powder. We were all “expert” skiers. We were standing in a narrow line waiting to head down the hill and my son, who is a US Ski team level mogul skier was on another transverse about 30 feet above us. We wondered what he wanted us to do. What he wanted was fresh untracked powder and he took off and jumped over all of us. It must have been a 40-foot drop and he landed about 50 feet down the hill. There was no hesitation. He kept going until the bottom skiing at a high speed. I realized that his was a reality I was not familiar with.

But consider any performance from art, music, dance, athletics, mechanics, business, and work. Every endeavor can be manifested at the highest level. You might be thinking, “I could never accomplish this level of expertise, and in a given field, you probably won’t. Or maybe you already have. However, life skills are accessible to everyone and anyone who wants to commit the living an excellent life. All that is required is a willingness to continue to learn and practice. The DOC Journey presents a foundational set of concepts and tools and there are endless additonal ways to enhance your journey.

The only “goal” of this course is to allow you to connect to the moment you are in and with awareness can be in any color of the “circle of life” on your terms. You have the choice to remain there or move in any direction.

Why not attain the highest level of expertise in living your life? The focus is on attaining skills and not reaching for perfect, where you beat yourself up for “failing.” It is about just learning to execute what you know regardless of the circumstances. Outcomes are usually beyond our control, but you can up the odds of success.

This level is a jumping off point for living the rest of your life. Let yourself think big and enjoy your day.

The post Be an Expert at Living life first appeared on Back in Control.

The post Be an Expert at Living life appeared first on Back in Control.

• Connecting to every aspect of your life is difficult but is at the core of allowing your body to heal.
• “Being” with your past may be challenging but is necessary in order to learn and grow.
•  It is the opposite of pursuing self-esteem, which separates you from you.
• The “C” quence is connection, confidence, and creativity. Creativity is where deep healing happensthrough neuroplasticity.

Connecting to your past provides “neuroshment”¹ for healing.

Safety vs. threat

Feeling safe is a basic need and core driving force of life. We’ll resort to whatever means required in order to achieve it. A state of safety allows growth, regeneration, optimum function, good health, and a deep sense of contentment. Feeling threatened causes your body to go into a “flight or fight” reaction, which consists of stress hormones, increased fuel consumption, excitatory neurotransmitters, inflammation, and anxiety. A term for this reaction is, “threat physiology”.

Life is sustainable because the body regenerates and heals, but it must be in a safe state for enough time to refuel, strengthen, and build up reserves to fight another day. Even severe stress can be dealt with when there is enough time in safety to regenerate. So, healing happens by decreasing time in threat and increasing time in safety. These are separate, but linked sets of skills. One is using methods to lower the levels of stress chemicals and the other is learning to nurture joy.

This journey is reflected in a metaphor of a tree that I call, the “C”quence of healing allowing you go from reactive to creative.

• Connection
• Confidence
• Creativity

CONNECTION – the soil

The ground represents every second of your entire past and is the source for learning and future growth. There is one major root in any tree, called the taproot, which grows straight down in search of water and nutrients. The trees with deepest ones are found in harsh dry environments. A tree may initially show little growth for a few years until the taproot is more mature. Roots grow relentlessly and will even grow through rock. The more developed and complex the root system, the better the chances for survival and growth.

All humans have experienced some degree of trauma. Our needs are not always immediately met even in the best of circumstances, and adversity never stops. Many people have suffered severe, even extreme childhood trauma, and there is plenty more to be had in adulthood. We don’t feel good about it and might even feel ashamed.

As a result, considerable time and energy is spent on analyzing, fixing, covering up, whitewashing, or suppressing the past. Somehow, we feel that by spending a lot of time dealing with past, we’ll have a better life. The problem is that your attention is focused on the problems and not the solutions. Since your incredibly adaptable brain develops where you place your attention, you are magnifying the unpleasant aspects of your life. Focusing on fixing the past also requires a lot of energy that could be used in dealing with the present, and thriving.

“Neuroshment”

Specific skills are required to allow you to be with your past, as much of it may be unpleasant, painful, and difficult to be with. Digging in and being with your past is the opposite of seeking self-esteem. One patient who successfully broke free from 55 years of pain coined a term for using the past for future growth,“neuroshment.” Your brain physically changes its structure as it adapts to ongoing sensory input. This property is called neuroplasticity, and you can create the brain of your choice.

TRUNK—SKILLS

The trunk represents the confidence that emanates from being able to deal with every aspect of your life and not run from it. Since, there are many ways to effectively process the past, you are grounded and can deal with even severe adversity.

The term for this set of skills is “dynamic healing.” It acknowledges the interactions between you and your circumstances that create flight-or-fight body chemistry. There are many tools in each portal, none of them are difficult, but require learning and repetition to master them.

Anytime you are anxious or frustrated, you are reacting to something unpleasant from the past. You are in flight or fight, the blood flow to your neocortex (thinking brain). It is impossible to think clearly. You have also lost awareness of the present moment. These survival reactions are powerful, automatic, and you have no control over them. It is the reason that being with the past is difficult and specific tools are required to regulate your body back into safety. Deeply connecting with who you are provides “neuroshment” for future growth and confidence to deal with life’s challenges. This is a sharp contrast to seeking self-esteem to “feel better” about yourself. You are not grounded.

THE BRANCHES—CREATIVITY

Connection and confidence represent the skills needed to regulate your threat physiology, but healing occurs with creativity. Brain circuits are stimulated reflecting the life you want as you “rebuild” the brain (life) that you choose. You cannot “fix” yourself. Your attention is on the problem and where your brain will develop (neuroplasticity).

But you can’t pursue pleasure in order counteract the survival circuits. They are too powerful and relentless, and your creative brain doesn’t work well while in threat physiology. Pursuing pleasure to outrun your unpleasant survival sensations has been shown to increase inflammation.²

The concept of healing through creativity is possibly the most important and difficult to comprehend and put into action. We are programmed to react and fix and are uncomfortable letting go. But you must let to in order to move forward. If you take the letter “C” out from “reactive”, it becomes “Creative.” You must become aware, create some “space” to see first in order to be able to make rational choices.

Deep healing

Sustained stress keeps your body activated, breaks it down, and increases the odds of developing a chronic mental or physical disease. The relevant issues are the intensity, duration, and your coping skills. Consider how long it would take for your car to break down if you were driving down the freeway at 70 mph in second gear. What if the car (your body) wasn’t tuned up, hadn’t had regular service, or was a cheap model? Compare this scenario to cruising in a well-maintained luxury car in 5^th gear at the same speed. You could drive for a long time. Your body isn’t so different. What model of car are you and how are you caring for you?

Recap

“Neuroshment” from a complex root system and solid trunk, allows a tree to grow branches of all sizes. You willconnect into your creativity and train your brain to evolve in any direction. This is where the deepest healing occurs. You are moving towards joy and away from pain.

Nurturing joy requires skills that few of us are taught. Creativity requires awareness, and you must see “C” first in order to know where you are at and then make ongoing proactive choices.

In order to reach higher, you must first dig deeper. Consider a tree as a metaphor for your healing journey. Become a professional at living life and watch your life change from ReaCtive to Creative.

Questions and considerations

1. Many, if not most of us have a less than ideal past. The human experience is messy. What you perceived as dangerous as a child is probably not threatening as an adult. But your brain doesn’t know that and will continue to react similar cues.
2. How do you feel when your attention lands on emotionally difficult situations from the past or is triggered by an event today? Reassuring yourself that you are OK actually places your attention on the problem and reinforces it.
3. Connecting with every aspect of your past and allowing yourself to be with a wide range of unpleasant emotions causes them to lessen. However, the discomfort you feel may be intolerable. There are ways to train yourself to be with these feelings and move forward.
4. Consider how much effort we spend trying to “fix” ourselves. It can’t and doesn’t work. Remember when you felt that life had endless possibilities. How did it feel? That is where you want to return.
5. The most important shift in thinking about having a better life is that it happens by nurturing creativity and joy. But you have to let go in order to move forward. It is a daily ongoing process that allows you to “rebuild” your brain and live the life of your choice. Quit fighting darkness; turn on the lights.

References

1. Term coined by Rita Salvador who learned to thrive after being in chronic mental and physical pain for over 55 years.
2. Cole SW, et al. Social Regulation of gene expression in human leukocytes. Genome Biology (2007); 8:R189. doi: 10.1186/gb-2007-8-9-r189

The post The “C”quence of Healing Chronic Illness first appeared on Back in Control.

The post The “C”quence of Healing Chronic Illness appeared first on Back in Control.

I clearly remember the week that we talked offline and then in the group where I felt she should stop working on learning more how to solve pain and just move forward into the life she wanted. Consistent with her ongoing commitment to learning, she not only listened, but she took off like a rocket. It is an important step to move forward with whatever pain you have and stimulate your brain to create circuits that are more enjoyable and functional. Her pain continued to decrease over time and whatever any residual she has is not slowing her down.

Moving away from your pain

There is a “C”quence of healing – connection, confidence, and creativity. There are two distinct but linked aspects of healing. There are skills needed to be with your pain instead of fighting it, and positive thinking only makes it worse. However, a positive vision is critical in order to move forward. The other skill set is nurturing  joy and  creativity. It is impossible to be creative while you are fighting off mental and physical pain. Moving into joy is where deep healing happens as you move away from pain circuits and stimulate more functional ones.

The movie

Today, I’m thrilled to share a free ticket to the heartwarming and enlightening documentary called “Love Heals.” I believe it will deeply resonate with you and support you on your healing journey.

This documentary shares her transformative journey, who bravely navigates chronic pain and is in search of healing after 2 unsuccessful spine surgeries. Her partner, Krisanna, is a filmmaker, and together they travel the country to understand how ancient energy practices have helped so many heal and to see what’s possible for those experiencing these practices for the first time.

“Love Heals” has been touching hearts and opening minds all over the world and will reach millions of people when it’s launched on both PBS and Gaia in the next few weeks. It’s not just a film; it’s a movement that celebrates the power of love, hope, and healing.

Visit lovehealsfilm.com to claim your free ticket now and watch anytime between Jan 25 – 31.

If you’re navigating health challenges, seeking deeper self-understanding, or in pursuit of emotional healing, “Love Heals” is a must-watch. It reveals how embracing love and inner strength can lead to profound healing and a renewed sense of purpose.

Featuring insights from various experts in the fields of self-healing and personal transformation, this film is a testament to the incredible power of the human spirit and the healing capabilities we all possess.

No matter the hurdles you face – be it physical pain, emotional struggles, or a search for deeper meaning in life – “Love Heals” offers a message of hope and transformation.

I encourage you to make watching “Love Heals” a priority. It’s available for a limited time, and it might be the catalyst you need to change your life! It is becoming increasingly clear that we spend a lot of time fighting darkness where the answer lies in simply turning on the lights. Good food, spending time with friends, engaging in your passion, giving back, and regaining perspective on life is the definitive answer to suffering.

Your body knows how to heal

You might feel that your problems are too severe to allow for healing. That is simply not true. My personal struggles with chronic mental and physical pain were epic. Dana was in a deep hole when I first met her. At one point I felt that maybe she was a person that couldn’t heal. At my lowest point, I had also given up on me. She not only experienced deep healing, but she has also thrived at a level beyond my expectations, and I think hers. We are not exceptions. This is what happens when you connect to your own body’s capacity to heal. Our stories are typical of what we see on a regular basis. Witnessing and experiencing this depth of healing is what led me to give up my spine surgery practice. I am excited that Dana has done so well and is actively creating the same opportunity for so many others.

Love = awareness and connects you to your own healing capacity.  Prepare to embark on a journey of healing and rediscover the power of love within you!

The post “Love Heals” – Moving into a New Life first appeared on Back in Control.

The post “Love Heals” – Moving into a New Life appeared first on Back in Control.

I received this message from a person I have never met or communicated with. She had engaged in learning the tools to heal.

The key to healing mental and physical pain happen from learning two separate sets of skills. The first is separating identity from your necessary survival circuits, developing a “working relationship with them. The second is shifting your brain onto more enjoyable and functional circuits. You cannot experience play and joy will simultaneously fighting pain.

You also cannot heal your body, including your brain. It already knows how to heal, and the healing stories are nothing short of miraculous. But life itself is a miracle. Our conscious brain gets in the way and blocks healing. You only must believe your body can heal, let go, and allow it to occur. Her email is typical of what happens, and the healing is deep and transformative.

Not fixing yourself

One of the most difficult challenges is letting go of trying to fix yourself to rid yourself of the mental and physical pain. Why wouldn’t you? You are trapped in miserable place without an apparent way out. It is bad enough enduring the pain, but when you get angry about it, you have now doubled down, and your brain is really on fire. Dr. John Sarno, a famous physiatrist and author used the term “rage”.¹

Good Studio/AdobeStock

However, trying to solve the pain places your attention on it and reinforces it. But when you try not to think about your pain or distract yourself, the thought suppression inflames your brain even more. Either way, you are trapped. Specifically considering self-esteem, which is an endless set of judgments, trying not to be judgmental is impossible. Positive thinking is another form of suppression. Even reading self-help books is another way of staying focused on the problem. Even with my books, there is a tipping point where I recommend people stop reading them and focus on practicing and implementing the tools they have learned.

“Phantom Brain Pain”

There is the additional problem of thinking that something is being missed, and these thoughts become independent sets of circuits. They really are not responsive to reason, and the ongoing pursuit of reassurance only reinforces them. Along with all RUTs (repetitive unpleasant thoughts), I call this phenomenon, “phantom brain pain.” In my mind, the same issues are in play as phantom limb pain, where the suffering is intense, and you cannot even touch the absent limb to calm yourself. How can this happen. The known “source” of pain is completely gone, and the patient still feels the limb and the pain. So, where does this pain exist?

The key to healing lies in separating from your racing necessary survival circuits, developing a “working relationship with them, and dynamically shifting your brain into more enjoyable and functional circuits – and letting go. You cannot experience play and joy while simultaneously fighting pain.

“I give up”

I vividly recall feeling like I was in the midst of a major battle with unpleasant thoughts. The mental pain was a much bigger problem than my physical symptoms. I was never bothered during surgery with them in that I was so focused on what I was doing. For a long time, I was also fine in clinic while I was connecting with my patients. Towards the end of my ordeal, even being at work did not help, and I was pummelled every two or three minutes with ever-increasing intense, intrusive, and vivid thoughts. Meanwhile, I was trying everything possible to deal with them, including working with a psychiatrist. Nothing helped and in fact, it all seemed make things worse. It was around this period where I came close to committing suicide.

One evening, I had read yet another self-help book and I had a flash of a vision that I was standing in front of a repeating circus mirror. I can still see it. It was about six feet high, and it was in a tent. I was looking at endless images of myself. At that time, I was doing what felt like hand-to-hand combat with my thoughts. I would have a disturbing thought, and then counter it with a “good” thought. I was wearing down quickly. I could see that there was no rational solution to these RUTs. I said to myself, “I can’t do this anymore and I quit.” I felt my identity was stripped down to nothing and felt there was little left of what I thought was me.

I honestly gave up and was not sure what I was going to do next. Instead of feeling despondent, I felt a strange sense of freedom, and it turned out that “giving up” the fight was the right answer. It was after that moment, things began to change for the better. I had much to learn, but at least I had inadvertently created some “space” in my brain to allow healing to begin.

Hope

This is a link to a collection of patients’ success stories that I call, “Stories of Hope.” Essentially everyone who is trapped in the Abyss of chronic pain is in a very dark place. Knowing you are not alone is important.

ipopba.AdobeStock

It is impossible to let go of “fixing” without the tools to accomplish it and also learning how to feel safe. You can’t force it and as per her email, you just have to keep moving forward, and it will happen when you are ready. I also wish for you that it happens sooner than later, but persistence is the key. You will learn to regulate your stress physiology and become much better at nurturing joy and creativity. Your behaviors become automatic, your skills will increase and improve, and you can let go and live your life.

References

1. Sarno, John. Mind Over Back Pain. Warner Books, New York, NY.

The post How healing happens first appeared on Back in Control.

The post How healing happens appeared first on Back in Control.

Anxiety is the sensation generated when you are in flight or fight. It is a physiological state. When you can’t resolve your anxiety, your body kicks in a stronger neurochemical response and you’ll be anger. Anger and anxiety are the result of stress, not psychological, and a million times stronger than your conscious brain. You have absolutely no control over these reactions. However, you are able to reprogram these responses.

This email was recently sent to me by someone who I have never met and reflects most of the concepts of healing presented in The DOC (Direct your Own Care) course and app.

The letter

Hello David,

I am writing to you on my day off, sun is shining and I am almost ready to go for my walk. I really feel supported by your program and thank you for replying my emails.

 It means a lot to me. I do a bit of reading and learning each day and then move on to the things in life that I need and want to do.

I touched a huge topic and adressed it. I arranged for a meeting with my ex-partner and told him I wanted to have a one on one conversation on how we are raising our son seperately and how this is going. In this conversation I was able to really listen to him and feel the hurt feelings and being uncomfortable. He let me have my moment and I spoke up about my grief and the things that caused my hurt feelings and what I would wish for my son, and also that it was hard for me to forgive him on how things went between us in the past.

It was the first time that I spoke and took this approach. Usually, I complain about him to my boyfriend, whom suggested that I should say these things in a mature way to my ex. Now, I feel like I forgave me and him. Actually, me meeting and speaking up, without the actual need for me to have him change anything made all the difference. But I needed to have the conversation. Only so much you can learn from books. In the playground of real life you are meant to use the things you learn.

It feels that I am moving forward and I am persistent. It is working for me because I am showing up for me everyday and do my writing, eating well, sleeping, and learning.

It is a life-long journey. I am also adressing the relationship between me and my parents. My mom has become ill and she is in her victim role most of the time. Also I am reviewing my role in family dynamics. For me this was also confronting, because stopping complaining and not talking about my pain was a huge step. My therapist friends help me accomplish this.

I have notes on my fridge. I crossed out “try” and the “do” note hangs on my bathroom mirror. Even my son participates with me. He manages to sleep in his own room, which is a huge step for him and for me.

Now I realise that trying to fix yourself is focusing on what you don’t want and you can fail easily. Moving forward and taking small steps to the life you want makes it possible to let them co-exist. Since the pain is needed to get myself moving. This time I am dedicated and for this reason I am making it work. I took control.

And what makes me happy everyday is that I show up for myself and do my work, everyday. This realisation makes it that I feel I can be more persistent and pursue life as I see fit. It is like getting married with myself, for better and for worse.

I will keep you updated. I am so grateful that my friend pointed out your work. Thank you for showing this way and helping people to live the life they want to live. To have hope and knowing that I can succeed with patience, persistance and dedication.

Wishing you well, WT

Summary of her journey

Her letter covers the core of the healing journey. I’ll just list them.

Leg 1 – Beginning the journey – and learn later

• Expressive writing is a major necessary step. It is not the final solution but nothing will really happen without this exercise.
• She stopped complaining
• Sleep improved

Leg 2 – Understanding the healing principles

• She quit trying to fix herself and pursued the life she wanted.
• The two separate but linked parts of healing are letting go and moving forward.
• Hope has been shown to lower inflammatory markers. Being trapped in pain without direction is a dark place and why I call it “The Abyss.”

Leg 3 – Lowering threat physiology – anxiety

• Relaxed enough that her son could be a part of all of this
• An anti-inflammatory diet contributes to lowering threat physiology.

 Leg 4 – Awareness

• She let go of her expectations and agenda and was able to listen
• Your family is the source of your deepest triggers and she took responsibility for her possible role. You can’t change your family, but you can work on yourself.

Leg 5 – Anger processing

• Confronting a given situation head on
• Stopped blaming her ex
• “Try” is the ultimate victim word. “Do” is the opposite. This is a strategy that I learned from my Hoffman process.

Leg 6 – Pursuing your vision

• Consistence and persistence are key – one day at a time.
• Continually trying to fix yourself places your brain on the problem and reinforces your pain.
• As you learn to let go, you can move forward away from your pain circuits. They will “atrophy” from disuse.

Leg 7 – Living life on your terms

• She is executing and moving forward.
• She took control. Nothing will happen until you lean into this. We are somewhat programmed to look outside of ourselves for fixes and also for blame.
• She understands what makes her happy and nurtures that energy.
• Connecting with friends for support and connection is also powerfully anti-inflammatory. Instead of complaining to her friends, they became her support.

One key concept was her statement, “It is like getting married with myself, for better and for worse.” In other words, she connected to every aspect of herself, including her capacity to heal. The DOC Journey is not a self-help program. It is a set of documented tools based on deep medical research and provides a foundation of knowledge that allows you to figure your own way out of The Abyss. You cannot go from pain to pleasure without a sequence and tools.

Then, as you move into the life that you desire, your brain will continue to evolve in the direction of your choice (neuroplasticity), physical and mental symptoms abate, and you’ll thrive and move into a life that you never thought was possible.

Her journey is an example of how you can heal. You will implement your own version of it, and healing is always possible regardless of how long you have been in pain. The choice is yours. Do you want to learn the skill set to move forward and become a professional at living your life?

The post How to Heal – A Patient’s Story first appeared on Back in Control.

The post How to Heal – A Patient’s Story appeared first on Back in Control.

Threat vs. safety

The essence of the problem of chronic disease, including chronic pain, is being under constant threat and the solution lies in teaching people ways to feel safe. Every successful clinician I know has a remarkable ability and commitment to first establishing a strong relationship with his or her patients. This takes time. Without addressing the root cause of safety vs. threat, treating symptoms has minimal effect.

This is a series of emails from a retired physician who has been involved in The DOC Journey that is based what we learned from our workshops. The sequence is important and is also based on literature-based approaches. Medicine already has the data it needs to solve chronic pain, but it is being systematically overlooked. Many physicians individually do know the data and principles and have a lot of success in helping their patients out of pain. My focus for over 30 years is to simply implement what we already know.

I asked her about sharing her experience with The DOC Journey and sharing these concepts with others. Part of The Journey includes weekly virtual Q&A sessions where we learn more about the healing concepts, share our experiences (except discussing pain or medical care) and provide support for each other.

Terrie’s first email  

If you give me the info you want put out there about The DOC Journey, I will share it on my social media pages. Also, you should be proud of what you have created. I know that I would not have been able to be this calm and productive for the last 3 days (the election) without all you’ve taught me. and just looking at the group dynamics Tuesday and Today shows they all have learned and are applying your techniques too. This is so important right now and I thank you so much.

 Second email

I forgot to mention the most important thing for me personally.

Your techniques and teaching have helped me get through the last 3-4 weeks with minimal anxiety (other than the election and even that was less). Three and a half weeks ago they started a workup for malignancy and so far so good – even though the possibility of multiple myeloma still is out there.

But the key thing is that I have been able to remain calm, acknowledge the anxiety and fear, and then use active meditation, polyvagal breathing/humming, and expressive writing (as well as a few other things) to remain in the present. I’ve had a few days where the thoughts kept coming back no matter what I did. But I persisted, told myself that this was normal and OK, and I just had to keep doing what I could to calm my nervous system down. Eventually those methods worked and my mind would go off onto something else and I felt better.

I have to thank you for getting me through these weeks. As you can imagine my medical mind was working overtime for a while. So, all you’ve done along with the social connection capability has  been a big key – I’m so glad you mentioned that the other day too. 

I don’t want to take up much of your time but just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your helping me get through this.

Thanks again!

Third email

After I received her second email, I asked her if I could share her experience. Here is her reply.

Funny you should ask. I wanted to write you and ask if you needed or wanted a testimonial to support your new evolution of presenting  the DOC concepts? 

In addition to everything else today, I had an EGD (upper GI scope) and colonoscopy to continue the rule out malignancy work up. Everything turned out clean so multiple myeloma is really the only remaining diagnosis to really consider. I hope I didn’t write this whole thing already.  I’d I did I can blame it on the drugs. 

Yesterday was the first time since my PHN (post-herpetic neuralgia) resolved that I had a migraine (they were many times a week before that and often life limiting). But I used every technique I have learned in The DOC Journey and kept it at minimum. As I lay waiting for the procedures I did active meditation, awareness, reprogramming to my internal mind movie, and the polyvagal breathing I’ve learned. I was more calm than ever in my life despite the uncertainty of diagnosis as  well as the election. Amazing. 

Your work has also helped me give up the “need” for an identity as a “doctor” (and a pioneer female Navy doctor, as I helped some women become more accepted), a “Navy high ranking officer”, a “Senior Physician in the Army disability system” and an excellent instructor/ teacher” and even a “published  book author”. I am not saying these to impress you because your career is what I would call IMPRESSIVE and what you’ve done to help people is phenomenal.  

I only put those things out because retiring in June of this year in the midst of the pandemic was one of my major concerns of who and what I would be now. With the help of your work I realized I am me and that’s all that matters. It’s been like shedding and I’ve let go of those other “needed” identities. You have helped me into a happy and pleasure-filled retirement despite all the other “stuff”.  And I thank you. 

Sorry it’s long but if you want to use it I want people to see just how and in what ways or aspects you help people. It’s not just pain, it’s life.  

You also don’t need to use initials or change anything. I would be happy to even be a person they could contact I’d they wanted more info or to know if the program/journey is “worth it.” I would be your spokesperson anytime. My story isn’t as spectacular as the others but you’ve helped me make significant life changes in just 4 months. Best regards, Terrie

Free

Since this series of emails, she has really moved forward and completed a 314-mile walk across the State of Tennessee. She recently participated in an even longer endurance walk. She truly has highlighted the concept that age is just a number.

You do not have to be stuck in chronic pain. At the end of the day, it is a choice. You also don’t have to even believe that you can free yourself. The starting point is actually anchored in disbelief. You have tried everything and nothing has worked? Why would this process be any different? The key is to choose to begin the journey and engage in approaches that will stimulate your brain to change in the direction of your choice (Neuroplasticity), and it will. Each person’s experience is unique.

I am honored to be able to share what I learned from my own journey out of chronic pain in a way that has been helpful to her and many others. However, I disagree with her on one point. Every story is spectacular. I have observed and experienced the depth and darkness of life being trapped in pain. The variables are the different ways people ended up in this hole. However, when a given person figures out his or her own version of climbing out of it, it always borders on unbelievable. The contrast between having no hope to thriving is beyond words. It is always inspiring and what keeps me pushing forward.

The post “Physician, Heal Thyself” – and She Did first appeared on Back in Control.

The post “Physician, Heal Thyself” – and She Did appeared first on Back in Control.

Hi Dr. Hanscom,

My name is Tom and I am 67 years old.

I’ve had 28 surgeries including six spinal operations, three heart attacks, one stroke, an attempted suicide, opioid addiction and 20+ years of debilitating chronic pain. My body is a mass of scar tissue that requires extensive stretching every morning. I’ve done my time in the deep, dark Abyss and yet, I have overcome each of these experiences. I’m a survivor, not a victim.

Driving home from work one night, I was rear-ended by a young teenage driver, which exacerbated an already bulging disc in my back. This one, minor accident began a chain of events that would change my life into one of endless misery, pain, and despair.

I tried every therapy I could find from surgeries, injections, chiropractors, acupuncture, drug therapies, hypnosis, biofeedback, counseling from eight different psychologists and psychiatrists, and even a healer that worked with tuning forks. No one could figure out why I was in constant, debilitating pain. Nothing worked. The only common treatment I received was a prescription for narcotic painkillers.

Into The Abyss

My whole life deteriorated as I was overcome with debilitating, chronic pain. It wouldn’t go away and I talked about it obsessively. I was too ill to attend my son’s baseball games and my wife and I weren’t able to have any quality time together. Friends and family didn’t want to talk to me anymore because I was such a “downer.” I became self-isolated. I was obsessed and all I could focus on was my pain, suffering, and how I was victimized.

Things got worse. I had a stroke when I was 47 years old.

I woke up, got out of bed, and fell on my face. My left leg would not respond to commands and my thinking was clouded and unclear. For a few hours, I was temporarily blind. I also lost my short-term memory. I went from reading a book a week to not being able to comprehend two sentences in a newspaper article. By now, I was deep into the Abyss. I had lost everything, including my business and marriage. I spent my days wallowing in chronic pain and self-pity.

My neurologist kept assuring me that my brain could reprogram and I might regain my balance, the use of my leg, my reading comprehension, and some of my memory. I had my doubts, but I had nothing to lose by believing him. Over a period of eighteen months, I regained full control of my left leg. Most importantly, after a few years, I reprogrammed my brain so that I could function almost as well as I did pre-stroke.

Connection

In all of this crisis and personal implosion there was a glimmer of light. I reconnected with my high school sweetheart, Patty. We had broken up when we were 21 and had gone our separate ways. She found me on Facebook and we reconnected 10 years ago. We’ve been inseparable, ever since. Patty and I are a team. She is my soul mate to whom I owe my life. Patty was the one who called the medics when I attempted suicide. And it was Patty who never gave up on me, although I gave her plenty of reasons to.

I attempted suicide not because I wanted to die, but because I couldn’t stand the physical pain of living any more. When my suicide attempt failed, I was faced with the reality that I’d quit trying to get better. I started to listen when people said my life still had some meaning and that I meant something to others and those in my family. I decided that any life, even one full of pain and suffering, was worth living. I told myself I would never give up again.

“I’m done with this”

I made the decision to quit narcotics and find a solution for my chronic pain. I didn’t think there was a cure, but rather a better approach to cope with it. I started calling clinics and caregivers across the country looking for relief. I discovered your project and that of another doctor, the late Dr. Peter Przekop in Palm Springs, with whom I spent a month.

Under Dr. Przekop’s care, I learned how to meditate, and through that practice, I experienced a profound recovery while in an altered state of consciousness. However, I was still feeling pain and prior to reading your book, was convinced that I’d never be pain-free.

The tipping point occurred when I started reading the “Stories of Hope.” When I first picked up Back in Control, I was focused on other people’s stories of hope, pain, and suffering. I perused these types of stories because I wanted to confirm that my pain and suffering was worse than everybody else’s. However, as I read their stories of pain, suffering, and recovery I started to realize that the solution was within me. It was up to me to resolve myself. I started to ask, “What can I do for myself that the doctors couldn’t?”

Taking charge

Through The DOC Journey I finally figured out that I was going to heal myself. I was done waiting to see what “they” were going to do to help me, how were “they” going to fix my pain. Drugs, injections, surgeries, and therapy were not going to cure me – I was.

In the long run, my stroke was actually a blessing rather than a curse. I had first-hand success with neuroplasticity and knew that the process worked. While I had doubts about the power and influence anger was having on my chronic pain, I knew that I could reprogram my brain.

Expressive writing forced me to accept that regardless of my chronic pain and suffering, I was still accountable for my words and actions. I wrote about my wounds, demons, and downfalls. I wrote about all of the people who had caused me anger and earned my scorn. Expressive writing helps me manage my anger and frustrations as I “shred and shed them” each morning.

I learned to forgive and move on, which helped to cleanse me of the anger I had built up inside of myself. I forgave my dad, the teenager that crashed into me, and the neurosurgeon that erred. I came to understand that the anger inside me was preventing me from moving on with my life.

Choosing not to remain a victim

To this day I have resolved to deal with my anger head-on, without delay. Anger is inevitable, but allowing it to poison your life by hanging on to it is a choice. I have elected to take responsibility and control of my “pain circumstances.”

It was absolutely critical to my recovery that I learned to control and manage my anger, learn forgiveness, and be compassionate towards those I resented. Once I learned to forgive and forget, I become unstuck and was able to move on.

Physically, I haven’t felt this good since before I was hurt 30 years ago.

From reading Back in Control, I have learned to use the principles of active mediation, expressive writing, anger management, daily walks, yoga and swimming as daily endeavors. I got a second chance to live my life, to repair the relationships I’d damaged, and become a survivor – not a victim.

I did not elect to be in pain, but rather I elected to not be in pain.

Best, Tom

He is The DOC Journey

His story gives me a lot of hope. I always chose to give every patient that walked through into clinic my full attention and to work with them. However, down deep I would not have had much hope for improvement for him with this amount of trauma. I certainly would not have expected this kind of a turnaround. If you look at his story, he engaged with every concept presented in the DOC process. It is not a self-help program but rather a framework to break the parts of your pain into smaller components, and people find their own way out.

He and I have now met and connected and he is looking forward to giving back, which is also an important aspect of healing.

I could write a book about all the aspects of escaping pain that are illustrated by his experience (I guess I already did). I just want to highlight two of them. The greatest obstacle to solving pain is your unwillingness to engage in any part of a healing journey. The DOC process is just one possibility. One my successful patients made a comment that he had to, “Suspend disbelief” to embark on his journey.

The second point is that the tipping point of deep healing is always processing anger through forgiveness. This is not a philosophical issue. It a matter of deciding to take full responsibility for every aspect of your life. Anger is the last ditch effort to regain control to survive and your stress hormones are through the roof. The mental and physical toll of living with anger at your core is horrific. One of the clearest parts of his story is him deciding that he was done living like he was and he decided simply to take his life back regardless of where it took him.

His story is remarkable, but not unique.

The post 28 Surgeries–”I elected to not be in pain” first appeared on Back in Control.

The post 28 Surgeries–”I elected to not be in pain” appeared first on Back in Control.

 Polishing Rocks

 “Now, as for stability, check out the way stones are polished in a tumbler. It all starts with these rather nondescript, encrusted rocks that only a trained eye could see had something precious about them. Add a bit of water, a good amount of sand or other annoying grit, and the rocks tumble and tumble until they come out shiny gems. All their rough edges, the hardened muck and mire of ages – it vanishes! The process is so simple, the results seem almost unbelievable.

Well, maybe, maybe not… Ask one of those rocks! While the rock and all of its companions are being polished into jewel-like luster, they (and all that grit) are continually scraping and jostling each other. And let’s not forget all the water that facilitates things!

The gritty water essential to both enclosure and stability is sometimes annoying to the tumbling community. But that doesn’t remove its usefulness. The spinning employed, at times intense, is the harsh reality of objectivity and outside-referenced truth. Like any rock tumbler or community, everybody gets polished, one way or the other. How very like Benedictine stability in community and the enclosure of the monastery! Community is any connected group, workplace, or home. Enclosure is your home, as well as your heart.

Without being obsessive, or making the people who live with you crazy, guard what comes into your enclosure –  both heart and home. There is a switch on your TV. There is a less visible, but equally effective one on your mouth. There is a useful one on your heart and thoughts, too.

Guard the people who tumble about getting polished with you, too, especially the annoying ones. While they are tough to be around, they are the ones doing you the most good! Without the abrasions they share with you, the process would take much longer.”

My colleague’s final comment was, “Well, it sure looks like I am being called to pay close attention to the tumblers in my life!”

Rock crusher

What about when the tumbling becomes too extreme? When the force of contact goes beyond abrasion and leaves scars? After talking to hundreds of couples dealing with chronic pain, I became aware of people caught in a rock-crushing relationship.

A rock crusher takes large rocks and breaks them down into smaller and smaller pieces. The end result is usually gravel, but can be as fine as sand. There is no resemblance to the original rock, and it certainly isn’t polished.

When people are angry, they are reactive and often aggressive to those close to them, whether it is at home or work. When you are consumed and trapped by pain, anger is an understandable response. However, the support system that you need to move forward is destroyed and pushed away.

The bigger problem with acting out when you are angry is that you lose awareness of the impact of your behavior on those around you. Anger completely blocks awareness, which is the essence of any successful relationship. Lack of awareness is the essence of abuse, which can range from mild to extreme. It isn’t logical that you would treat people you love so poorly, yet in my clinic, we heard about it on a daily basis. The partner or spouse was usually the target, but often children were in the line of fire. Anger is only about survival and is destructive. Protect your family from your pain

The essence of  a relationship

While mulling over the differences between a rock tumbler and a rock crusher, I came across this piece written by one of my medical school classmates. He has also been married for over 40 years.

“For couples so eager to call it quits and throw in the towel on your relationship because everything isn’t ‘perfect’…here is some food for thought:

Lifelong commitment is not what most people think it is. It’s not waking up every morning to make breakfast and eat together. It’s not cuddling in bed until both of you fall asleep. It’s not a clean home filled with laughter and love making every day.

It’s someone who steals all the covers, and snores. It’s slammed doors, and a few harsh words at times.

It’s stubbornly disagreeing and giving each other the silent treatment until your hearts heal, and then you find forgiveness.

It’s coming home to the same person every day that loves and cares about you in spite of (and because of), who you are.

It’s laughing about the one time you accidentally did something stupid.

It’s about dirty laundry and unmade beds.

It’s about helping each other with the hard work of life.

It’s about swallowing the nagging words instead of saying them out loud.

It’s about eating the easiest meal you can make and sitting down together at a late hour because you both had a crazy day.

It’s when you have an emotional breakdown and your love lays down with you and holds you and tells you everything is going to be okay. And you believe them.

It’s about still loving someone even though sometimes they make you absolutely insane.

Loving someone isn’t always easy – sometimes it’s hard. But it is amazing and comforting and one of the best things you will ever experience.”

Who are you?

Committing to staying in the tumbler with your partner is a humbling and rewarding experience, although it would be nice if there was an easier way. And we all need to acknowledge the different roles that we play in one another’s lives. Are you tumbling or crushing?

This idea extends to all relationships.

What about work? If you are the supervisor, are you listening and supporting your staff, or are you overly focused on enforcing the rules?

What about your children? Do you remain flexible and adaptive, or do you take advantage of your power over them?

Are you sticking with toxic relationships out of fear?

Are you willing to continue to work on a friendship when he or she has behaved badly, but expresses a sincere desire to change?

No one can answer these questions but you.

So again, I ask – are you in the tumbler or have you jumped out?  Are you being crushed or crushing? Becoming aware is the first step in moving forward.

.

The post Relationships and Rock Tumblers first appeared on Back in Control.

The post Relationships and Rock Tumblers appeared first on Back in Control.

I tried everything to get rid of these things. I would shave them down with a razor, which I did several times a week. I tried multiple medications. I had them frozen off, but they always re-appeared. Through college and medical school, it was ongoing battle. They gradually seemed to get larger and more numerous regardless of my efforts. I became more self-conscious of them as I progressed through my medical training. I felt very awkward examining patients with what felt like were pretty disfigured hands. Of course, no one noticed them nearly as much as I did.

Orthopedic Residency

My first year of orthopedic training was stressful. I had done two years of internal medicine residency instead of the usual two years of general surgery. I was thrown right into the fire trying to catch up with the other residents. I honestly don’t know if stress was the issue, but my hands were worse with four or five large warts. I went to a skin specialist who used liquid nitrogen to burn them off. Not only was the initial burning very painful it continued burn for a couple weeks. It felt like an underground fire. I could not sleep well with the pain and I was getting increasingly frustrated. A friend gave me the name an older dermatologist who supposedly had experienced success with difficult skin problems.

My elderly dermatologist

He was nice and also really old. He looked at me and said that he didn’t think that there was much that could be done. He suggested that I rub some fresh aloe vera plant over them and that might help. I looked at him in disbelief and was now pretty despondent about ever getting rid of these things. As he handed me a couple of aloe vera stems he proceeded to say that, “I don’t really think it works. It is just probably some type of placebo effect.” At that point I become really upset. Even if the placebo effect was possible it seemed like he was even taking that option from me.

 “I’m done”

I remember standing there and I felt a profound shift deep inside of me. I recalled the recent suffering I had experienced after the last attempt of burning them off. The feeling was intense. I could almost re-experience the pain. I was “done” and simply wasn’t going to put up with it anymore. My whole being said, “No!!!”

I rubbed the aloe vera stems over my hands a couple of times and tossed them. Two weeks later the warts completely disappeared and six weeks later my skin looked as if they were never there. I have never experienced another wart in over 30 years. Clearly some type of immune response occurred. I don’t know what precipitated the healing response, but I could feel it and still can recall almost exactly what it felt like.

 “I’m done” – round two

The only other time I experienced that feeling was in 2002 after being stuck in a severe burnout. One of the worst parts of being depressed was feeling sorry for myself. It was endless and manifested itself in endless conversations and racing thoughts. Somehow, I became aware for the first that I was actually in a victim mode. I realized that there was no answer to being in the victim role. It was too powerful. I experienced the same deep feeling of mixed desperation and determination that I was no longer going to live this way. I was simply done. Within the next few months I began to heal. Many of my physical symptoms I had suffered with since childhood disappeared and over the next year essentially all of them resolved.

My Battle with Neurophysiological Disorder (NPD)

Also “done”

Janet had been suffering from chronic pain for years and seen by several dozen doctors. By the time she saw me, she was ready for surgery – except there was no surgical lesion that I could address. When I told her that her spine looked fine, she flipped out and began to yell at me about the whole medical profession and then some. I briefly told her about my book and website and asked her to return in a couple of weeks to discuss her options. I honestly thought I would never see her again. Much to my surprise, she not only returned, she was free of pain (and remained that way). She related a similar story to mine in that she was fed up and just going to move on without the help of doctors. She also described a deep shift that she couldn’t put into words.

Another story

I recently received this email from a reader.

Dear Dr. Hanscom,

“I was just told by a neurosurgeon today that the only way to stop my back and hopefully nerve pain in leg is surgery. I have a herniated disc at L5-S1 and he thinks it’s cartilage that is pressing on my S1 nerve. Anyway, I came back to my hotel and started googling and found your backincontrol.com site.  I really connected with it as I have started a mindfulness-based stress reduction course 2 weeks ago and am feeling some benefits already.

But what really connected me was your story on warts. When I was a young teen I also had warts on my hands. Tried the freezing and burning by physicians, but they always came back and sometimes more. One of my mom’s friends told me to steal a neighbors dishcloth and bury it in the garden, as for some reason it has worked.  I thought she was nuts!  I contemplated doing it but just couldn’t steal from my neighbors or anyone for that matter. But it got me thinking why that might work; it was using your mind. So, I started something where every night at bed I would visualize the warts going away and I have to say that I still remember the intense feeling I got in my body – something I have never again experienced.  I don’t even remember how long it took but my warts went away and never came back.

I now am trying that for my back, but not getting quite the same feeling this time. Reading your info on your Website had me motivated to try again as I really don’t want surgery if I don’t have to. I am going to follow your steps as well and already let my family know that there will be no talk about my pain.  If it works I will let you know.” Best regards, Janet

The formula??

I wish I could give you a formula to re-create the phenomenon at will. In both instances there was a deep sense of resolve that I was finished living in this manner and I said “no”. What I can’t figure out is why that feeling suddenly went so deep and was so strong. It was well beyond just willpower.

We know that the placebo response is the most powerful “drug” in existence. (1) You are simply connecting to your capacity to heal. It is the desired response. Somehow the perception of it has been distorted to be that there must not be anything really wrong if the body responds to a placebo. Every drug has a placebo effect and we also know that the bigger the intervention the greater the response. For example, and injection is stronger than a pill and surgery is even more powerful. The response tends to decrease with time. The problem is that you don’t want to incur harm while eliciting this response and unfortunately that is what often happens with spine surgery. Major adult deformity operations have a complication rate well over 50% and many of them are serious and permanent.

It has also been documented that you don’t have to “believe” placebo works to be effective. A powerful healing effect has been demonstrated even when patients are aware there are no active ingredients in the pill being administered. (2)

I have known for a while that DOC process presents creates structure and clarity for a given patient’s situation so he or she can take charge of his or her own care. There is not one answer to a complex chronic pain scenario and this is not a “how to” program. Freedom occurs when you’re able to calm down your nervous system enough to connect to your own healing powers. Each successful person has a different journey. You’re the only one with the key to unlock the door and move forward.

1. Dispenza J. You are the Placebo: Making Your Mind Matter. Hay House, 2015
2. Carvalho C, et al. Open-label placebo treatment in chronic low back pain: a randomized controlled trial. Pain (2016); 0: 1-7.

The post Healing Power Within—Warts first appeared on Back in Control.

The post Healing Power Within—Warts appeared first on Back in Control.

Dr. Fred Luskin, a psychologist out of Stanford, conducted several research studies regarding the effects of forgiveness on the human body and mind. His concepts are presented in his book, Forgive for Good. His results were consistent and dramatic. Forgiveness heals. Two of his studies involved the parents of children who had been murdered. The more legitimate your anger the more difficult it is to let it go. Having a child murdered is possibly the deepest reason to hold on to it. But what happens, as you remain upset, is that the quality of the rest of your life is severely compromised. The person you truly despise now has control over the rest of your life indefinitely. It is critical to understand this problem and honor yourself and family by living a happy life. It turns out that forgiveness is the most powerful way to move on. Moving forward with your pain

The elephant’s noose

I have a friend who told me a story about his younger brother who suffers terribly from anxiety, depression and generalized chronic pain. He’s been introduced to the concepts presented in my book, but hasn’t engaged in the healing process. He’s focused on a situation where he was left for a short period of time with his grandparents around age 5 while his parents took a vacation. He is convinced that he was abandoned and won’t let it go.

One aspect of forgiveness that I learned from Dr. Luskin is that it’s is a process that has no beginning or end point. It’s a matter of continuing to be aware of your anger and keep letting it go. But what caught my attention was his comment, “It’s fine to blame your parents for your problems until you’re 18 years-old. But at that point you need to own the fact that you’re an adult and take full responsibility that you’re now continuing to screw up your own life.”

Dr. Sarno who understood these concepts over 30 years ago, used the word “rage”. Being trapped by any unpleasant situation over a prolonged period of time will create it. His observation was that many of his patients, by recognizing this link, would experience profound healing. The essence of the problem is that sustained anger has a pronounced effect on the levels of stress hormones and this translates into physical symptoms.

A good friend of mine sent this audio show to me aired on NPR. It’s a story of forgiveness and healing. You are the one, and only one, who has the capacity to let go and to heal yourself.

NPR audio podcast: “Finding Health by Letting Go of Hate”

The post “Finding Health by Letting Go of Hate” first appeared on Back in Control.

The post “Finding Health by Letting Go of Hate” appeared first on Back in Control.